Lost In Transition
I feel sick to my stomach.
My head is bursting from the pressure to my skull.
It's been going on for the past 3 weeks and for the life of me, I can't figure out why.
Until now.....
It's cos I haven't been blogging all this time! ;-p
-------------
Seriously tho'...i REALLY feel out of depth these days.
As if I'm in an alien place I'm not supposed to be at....a stranger in a strange land.
Why you ask ?
Maybe it's cos I recently got confirmed as a permanent staff at the investment bank I've worked at for the past one year.
After a year of being a nomad, moving from department to department, experiencing delights (hot accounting chicks) and horrors (late nights); I am FINALLY tied down to ONE place, NEVER able to move on again.
Hmmmmm....maybe THIS is what marriage feels like, non ? ;-p
Neways, I put this 'out-of-place' feeling down to just growing pains or getting used to my new surroundings. Once I have 'assimilated' the routine/style/pace of this department, I would be like a fish to water and enjoying my time here.
But that's just IT!
The thought that I would be stuck in this dept forever IS the main reason for my current sad state of affairs.
Suddenly I'm not a Management Trainee anymore...I'm a permanent staff, an executive, with responsibilities to fulfil and tasks to do....it's the thought of having to actually be accountable for my work that scares me...and the fact that I'm not 'special' anymore (MTs get to move around depts maa....and feel what its like to work in diff environs every few months).
So in the end..that's just it.....I have the FEAR.
I'm afraid of not being able to meet HR's expectations, produce the results expected of me, bring my A-game to the table, stand up and pitch a home-run.
And this FEAR will be my failing.
i HAVE to get over it....it's better to TRY then lose, than not to try at all.
Here's to hoping I at least attempt to make an effort at making myself a useful part of the Research team, eh ?
Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is to take that first step in any endeavour.
:-(
My head is bursting from the pressure to my skull.
It's been going on for the past 3 weeks and for the life of me, I can't figure out why.
Until now.....
It's cos I haven't been blogging all this time! ;-p
-------------
Seriously tho'...i REALLY feel out of depth these days.
As if I'm in an alien place I'm not supposed to be at....a stranger in a strange land.
Why you ask ?
Maybe it's cos I recently got confirmed as a permanent staff at the investment bank I've worked at for the past one year.
After a year of being a nomad, moving from department to department, experiencing delights (hot accounting chicks) and horrors (late nights); I am FINALLY tied down to ONE place, NEVER able to move on again.
Hmmmmm....maybe THIS is what marriage feels like, non ? ;-p
Neways, I put this 'out-of-place' feeling down to just growing pains or getting used to my new surroundings. Once I have 'assimilated' the routine/style/pace of this department, I would be like a fish to water and enjoying my time here.
But that's just IT!
The thought that I would be stuck in this dept forever IS the main reason for my current sad state of affairs.
Suddenly I'm not a Management Trainee anymore...I'm a permanent staff, an executive, with responsibilities to fulfil and tasks to do....it's the thought of having to actually be accountable for my work that scares me...and the fact that I'm not 'special' anymore (MTs get to move around depts maa....and feel what its like to work in diff environs every few months).
So in the end..that's just it.....I have the FEAR.
I'm afraid of not being able to meet HR's expectations, produce the results expected of me, bring my A-game to the table, stand up and pitch a home-run.
And this FEAR will be my failing.
i HAVE to get over it....it's better to TRY then lose, than not to try at all.
Here's to hoping I at least attempt to make an effort at making myself a useful part of the Research team, eh ?
Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is to take that first step in any endeavour.
:-(
posted by NiK! at
4:36 PM
