A peek into the twisted mind of a Natural Born Geek! Learn the shocking truth ! Run away crying in agony ! Gasp at the horror! Showing nationwide in all respectable cinema outlets.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Men-on-pause: The trials and tribulations of a non-conformist

The cessation of a (late-20's/early-30's Malay) male's "productive" system, in their ongoing individual search for a far greater goal in life.

Just got back from a 'gebang-gebang tepi mamak' session with Abg Long, my maternal cousin; having our usual discussions on this and that, upon which we came across an epiphany of sorts of on our current predicament in life.

You see, we are urban Malay male in our late-20's/early 30's who have literally forsaken the teachings passed on from our Fathers, Moms, Uncles and Aunts; and decided for once in our life, we'd do things our way.

For the uninitiated, here's The basic teachings of being a regular Malay male (as taught to us by our moms and aunts):

1. Pergi sekolah, belajar sungguh-sungguh, jangan main-main, exam kena skor.

2. Masuk universiti, belajar tinggi-tinggi, pegi oversea, dapat 'star-peket' (certificate!).

3. Cari kerja, kerja sungguh-sungguh, biar cepat naik pangkat, dapat gaji besar.

4. Beli rumah, bayar ansuran; beli kereta, bayar ansuran; beli etc., bayar ansuran.

5. Cari perempuan solehah, bertunang express, cepat-cepat kahwin.

6. Dapatkan cucu, benda baik jgn ditangguh, live happily ever after.

7. Wash, rinse, & repeat ad infinitum for the next generation of Malays.

Note to Mom:
Somewhere along the way I lost the plot. I'm sorry for breaking your heart, but this is my life and I want to live it my way.

Somewhere along the way I got exposed to the grunge sounds of Nirvana & rakan-rakan, saw the brilliant works of Alfred Hitchcock & Akira Kurosawa, read the thoughts of Sigmund Freud & Hunter S. Thompson, traversed the wild imaginings of Jack Kirby & Stan Lee, acted out the works of George Lucas & Quentin Tarantino line by line, etc. etc. etc.

I've changed. I don't want the same life that you want for me.

The times have changed. Opportunities that weren't there for you, are out there for me.

I don't look down on Malay men that has stuck to the plan. Instead I take off my hat and give them a big salute for having the balls to go along with it. Aku respect lu beb! Perjuangan mu ku sanjung dan wa tabik sama lu. Gua cuma decide gua tak nak join lu jer...bukannya gua condemn lifestyle lu. To each their own, I say.

Abg Long and I come upon one realization tonight.

We are Malay males in our late-20's/early-30's facing Men-on-pause symptoms:

1. Lack of a job/a job with any prospect or future progression.

2. Don't own any wealth to our name (savings, insurance, unit trust, etc.).

3. Don't own any assets to our name (house, car, etc.).

4. Not getting married nor bearing our moms any cucus anytime soon.

5. Despite ALL of this, we are content in our hearts because we are finally doing things our way and working slowly but surely towards our dreams and goals.

We also realized another thing tonight.

There's a voice inside us. In our souls. It propels us. It speaks. It nags. It whispers:

After much discussion, we believe this is the same voice that has hounded men since time in memorial. Since the days of proto-humans living in caves.

This is the voice that nags at the hunter-gatherers to leave behind their caves. The warmth of their fires, the comfort of their women and the delight in their babies.

This is the voice that propels these same hunter-gatherers to explore past their familiar breeding grounds. To discover new lays of the land. To chart new hunting/trade routes. And ultimately uncover new game, new hunts, and bring back the spoils of victory back to the caves.

This voice propels all men. And it has done so over millenia.

Because of it man has first conquered their land. Then the seas. Cultures and civilization rose and fell. Riches were made and war were wrought. Kingdoms and cities came to being, & politics and arts became fashionable. Science and technology prospered. Not content with conquering, we tackled the skies. Once man-made flight became possible we dreamt of the stars and putting men on the moon.And that we achieved too!

All because of this one voice inside us. It's hunger for exploration, for discovery, for innovation, for knowledge, for power.

Everything we have achieved so far. This human mass of network we've built. All due to it's constant, thrumming beat to the staccato of our heart, our souls, our being.

I feel it in me with every breath I take. It reminds me of my purpose. It reminds me of what I want to achieve. And what I need to do to achieve it.

I refuse to lead a cookie-cutter existence. I fear waking up at the age of 35 with an adoring wife, 2.5 kids, a proud house & car owner, member to prestigious country clubs, with a bang-up corporate job, promotions and huge pay on the line; and the prospects of bills, loans, and responsibilities. The life of an average "consumer".

Some people say I'm childish. Some people say I refuse to grow up. Some people say I live in a dream world.

Deep down I know there is another alternative to the cookie-cutter existence.

All the men's achievements before me to set up this mass network of human civilization will not go to naught. There's a reason for it. We should wake up from our stupor and take advantage of it. Use it to our benefit and awaken the other consumers in their cycle of consumption stupor. Educate them that there is an alternative. Another way out. Another way of being.

And so I set upon my journey. Nobody said the path less traveled would ever be easy.

Note to readers: If you think these are the meandering reflections of a too-much coffee man in the early hours of the day...you are correct. If you think these are the impassioned affirmations of a man on his path to something different...you are also correct. Thank you for reading & forgive any spelling mistakes made upon this late hour aight.


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Friday, April 25, 2008

Last Night a DJ Saved My Life

Had a SUPERB night out after a long, long, time ago; in a galaxy far, far, away.

Will BLOG about it MORE with pictures and all.

RUDY & KHALED....U da man yo!



Friday, December 14, 2007

Words. Slowly. Gathering. Within. Me.

The urge to write something creative again is gradually tugging against my sanity.

I know, I know...it sure's been awhile since I've last posted.

Life came along. Work interceeded. Making new friends got in the way. Enjoying the hell out of life was more important. I guess.

Neways I'll slowly but surely start blogging again.

Let's take it one word at a time shall we.


BRB...one of these days...

Friday, May 25, 2007

Back in Black

I'm back.

In Black.

For Good.


Neways, there's been a lot goin on in my life for the past 4 months. Just been to busy to blog about 'em developments and highlights.

However now's not the time nor the place for it. For now.....relax, kick back and enjoy my return to blogdom as the strains of AC/Dc's classic Back in Black permeate your consciousness.

Listen to those guitars scream yo!

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Friday, January 12, 2007

Will the REAL Man’s Man please stand up?

The SiNiKal Soapbox
A weekly column in which NiK! takes the stand to rant/rave about anything & everything that's going wrONg in KL right now from a male-chauvinistic pig's point-of-view. Highly recommended therapy by the Malaysian Royal Faculty of Psychotherapy.

Just got back from a talk cock session with some of me investment banker mates.

After the usual how-do-you-do’s, stock market bullshit, and filling our guts full with dine and drink; we got around to talking cock as usual. From wide-ranging topics as how-was-your-Christmas/New Year’s celebrations to who’s going out with who currently (or to put it more bluntly, who’s fcuking who); we arrived to a topic which is just downright gut-wrenchingly sorrowful to my manly man heart:

Modern KL men being cuckolded by their current woman in their life.

What’s up with the modern KL men these days lah???

Over the course of Nescafe ais and smokes, I heard recounting of tales so sorrowful, that I can’t help but feel sorry for these modern males being controlled by their ever-so-possessive significant other. From stories of being publicly berated over nothing (well, these women would say they “imagined” there was something going on of course) , to shouting matches that would shrink the balls of any grown men, to dirty deceitful tricks of masquerading as an anonymous SMS admirer (just to see if her husband was faithful), or even checking up on their men via reading e-mails / hand phone txt message archives.

Why do these few modern KL women bring themselves down to this level anyway?

And why do their men ALLOW themselves to be treated so badly in the first place??

C’monlah sayang…..this is the millennium-lah. Do you realize there’s MORE women in the world right now than there are men? (I reckon most women realize this tidbit of info more then men, hence the controlling streak in a few of them). YET your men still decides to stay by your side willingly. Not because he hasn’t found a better substitute yet. But because he must well and truly love you for who you are. Therefore why treat these honest/player-turned-reformed men so badly?

I guess the irony of it all is that ALL of the guys we were talking about during our talk cock session aren’t necessarily socially-inept. Nor physically challenged in the looks-department either. Most of them are in fact “ex-playas/ladykillers/heartbreakers”, and have been known to break a few hearts or cause a scandal or two in the past: whereupon just a mention of their names in KL clubland would have inspired awe in men who dream to be them, or hate/censure from women who’ve been “played” in the past or have heard of stories from friend of a friend who’s had it happen to them.

Wake up and smell the kopi-lah, oh-ex-player-turned-reformed males!!!

You don’t have to take this kinda sh1t lying down. And it’s not as if you LACK the skills to find a better mate in the first place?! You used to be the man’s man in the oh-not-so-distant past! It’s not that I disapprove of your current choice of partner or hate her in anyway. Or jealous of your newfound happiness in any way (hence the less time you spend with us doing guy things). Really I’m not. I’m happy that your life is more stable now with a dedicated woman in your life. I respect that you’ve managed to keep a healthy adult relationship. Heck it makes me believe that it can happen to me someday in the future as well. I’m just really, really, disappointed in you for forsaking ALL of who you are / choosing to be less of yourself, in order to be with this woman.

I believe in this ONE truth: It is the male’s role to set boundaries in relationships.

Women, being who they are, naturally are inclined to test a man’s boundaries. It’s in the way they are made up, inherent in their DNA, physically and emotionally. Do not fault women for being just the way God made them. It’s you, as a man, that is failing in the relationship, and thus resulting in the failure of the relationship!

Here’s the age-old question…….Why do women test men?

Because they want to know that the man they’re currently with is THE One. So be a man for god’s sakes and stand up to their tests! Grow some balls and realize that hey….if it doesn’t feel right to you, then say so. Set some boundaries. Make some rules. Put out some limits to accepted behaviour. NOT to be authoritarian / Hitler’s-second coming or anything, but to create an equilibrium in the relationship. She WANTS to trust you wholeheartedly. She WANTS to feel safe with your presence. She WANTS to feel confident in your masculinity. Hence the constant prodding, poking, & testing in every shape, form, and threat. So my dear, dear, cuckolded men…..Be a MAN’s MAN and grow some balls willya!

Once a woman knows a man’s boundaries, and they know that if they still resort to go beyond those boundaries they’d get into trouble with you (like big time!); they’d appreciate you for it. Once a woman, realize that their men have enough balls to be a man and stand up to them; then they can totally and ultimately willingly 100% trust the man.

They’d realize that this man not only doesn’t put up with their sh1t, but has the will to do something about it, if they ever the cross the line. (And for those readers with overactive imaginations, NO, I do not advocate violence towards women or being extra emo by giving them the silent treatment. That’s just stupid. There are other more pleasurable ways to mete out “punishment” for being naughty. If you know what I mean. ;p)

After all….isn’t that what all healthy relationships between two independent, well-adjusted adults, really based on? (Get your mind out of the gutter. I did not mean “pleasurable punishment for being naughty”. I meant….)


Reader's opinions on a self-adressed, self-stamped postcard appreciated.

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Monday, November 13, 2006

Of Desires, Needs, & Wants

"Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth."
- Jean-Paul Sartre

Stop everything else that you are doing right now and clear your mind.

Think for awhile, and ruminate over the idea of ridding yourself of desire (because only then can you be happy; ergo you are happy with the way things already are).

Is it true, that you can never be happy while you have desire?

Isn’t desire infinite and unending? Unfulfilling by its very nature? Would you ultimately always want something else or something more? We are after all…. ONLY human.

Is Liberation = Freedom from Desire?

But if we do not desire, are we unmotivated?

And if we are unmotivated, then are we unchallenged?

Therefore if we are unmotivated and unchallenged then do we not progress?

Do we not evolve/create/innovate/experiment/take risks?

If we are satisfied with the way things already are, can nothing ever change? Can nothing ever get better?

If we are satisfied, then logically everything stays the same. So should we be happy?

Or should we change things to make ourselves happy? Can we save the world?

Ultimately, is freedom from desire also freedom from progress?

I reckon I’m now a manic-depressive paranoid wreck, bugged with questions of human existence when I know deep in my hearts of hearts that ALL the world’s mysteries, knowledge, and path of redemption lay within the tome known to us as the Holy Quran.

No…I’m not questioning God right now. For I still implicitly believe in Allah S.W.T. and do his bidding willingly.

Instead what I’m questioning right now are the MECHANICS of human existence. NOT the reason for human existence.

Any of you care to give your two cents worth?

Drop in and discuss your thoughts.

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Tuesday, August 22, 2006


I turn 26 today.

And this is the Summer of My Discontent.

It's a cliche I know, but pardon me for being a stereotype.

Of late, I haven't been blogging much and haven't felt the urge to blog much either.

I've realized that people go through phases in life.

This blog in itself which was started 3 years ago on the eve of my 23rd birthday has gone through much changes. First a comedic slant as I initially started blogging; then plunged into an emo-laden diatribe as I went thru some dark, black, days; followed by a masochistic non-politically correct rant against women as I slurped up anything and everything preached by pick up artistes. In retrospect I gotta say the latter sounded a lil' bit on the desperate side. (albeit them pick up moves & ideologies HAVE been working for me of late, so who am I to complain, eh? ;-p)

But hey, We Live and We Learn.

As they say after all...Rome wasn't built in a day.

No MAN comes into being perfectly realized, nor fully aware of his abilities. I prefer this journey I must take in order for me to fully understand my capabilities, than had I come into being fully in control of all my potential. That my friend would be a sad state of affairs indeed!

I'm glad to say I'm over the last masochistic women-hating phase, and feel no need to expound on it further; let alone share my current misadventures with peeps of the opposite sex. This just isn't the place nor the correct platform. (Belanja me yum-cha one of these days tho'....and dude.... I'll regale you with the naughty shenanigans I've been up to of late. Oh man...life is good! ;-p)

So as I'm currently in between phases and am at a loss as to how to utilize this blog effeciently for the coming future, I declare a sabbatical for awhile.

DO come back every now and then to see how I'm doing.

I promise you delights from people and places you wouldn't have imagined existed!

Till then...au revoir ma belle.

----After the 21st, all your other birthdays are just another notch on the bedpost. ;-p

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Lucas In Love

hey peeps,

I'm TOO busy enjoying life to blog anything of late. Heck there's a shetload of stuff I'd LOVE to write down...but I just don't have the time...or even the mood to put thoughts down into words on paper /screen. I'll write more once I get out of this writer's block funk.

In the mean time...enjoy this SUPERB short film parodying "Shakespeare in Love" by spoofing George Lucas in his quest to write the original Star Wars Trilogy.

Shetload of homages to every major Star Wars character and a superb twist in the ending!

Lucas In Love

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Rockstar: Supernova

I admit it.

I am addicted to the current crop of Reality TV shows!

From the b1tchy antics of wannabe fashionistas on Project: Runway 2 (Mmmmm...Heidi Klummmm....Seal is one LUCKY B@st@rd I tell ya), to the raunchy shenanigans on 8TV's The Player, to the comedic trials & tribulations on the recently concluded Beauty & the Geek.

Yes. I have NO social life whatsoever and am glued to the television on most nights. (God, deliver me from this evil thy has christened REALITY TELEVISION and grant me enough strength to go out and enjoy life as I duly should. Thy Kingdom Cometh!)


Yet, I reckon redemption is upon me. For the past two weeks have been heavenly! Reality TV addicts like me (who are secretly Rockstar wannabes in our own depraved imaginary world) have been graced with the delightful return of last year's sleeper reality TV hit: Rockstar!

****Start Aside 1****
In retrospect, INXS is an old-fogey rock band from Australia that nobody cared about much during the grunge days of the early 90s except for maybe...Australians..and oh Kylie Minogue who had an affair with INXS' lead singer, Michael Hutchence (who also went the Cobain route a few years later). So maybe that explains Season 1's lackluster support from the TV-watching public.

BTW, they ended up with choosing one of the more flashier singers (all flash and NO intrinsic rock talent that makes you wanna orbit them obsessively and buy all their albums despite your own reservations and fears of falling into the hype). JD Fortune the chosen Rockstar:INXS front man sucks dogs bollocks compared to the much more talented & HOT Mig Ayesa, or even the broodingly morbid Marty Casey (who blew me away with his accoustic rendition of The Killer's Mr. Brightside)

****End Aside 1****

****Start Aside 2****
On another note, Mark Burnett is a reality-TV-creating Savant!

The number of reality tv shows that have sprung from his creative mind alone just boggles my mind. From the grandfather of all reality tv series: Survivor, to the constantly gross Fear Factor, to the ultra-suave Donald Trump-anchored corporate-drama, The Apprentice; Mark Burnett never ceases to amaze us all.

Dude. Keep on truckin and churnin out them reality TV formats that're bound to reel them viewers in and hook them onto your next drama-filled show. 'Cos you got game man. You got game.

****End Aside 2****

Yes Ladies & Gents, the Rockstar bandwagon is back in town and this year, the winner gets to be the front man(or woman) to a band made up of late 80's Rock Legends: Tommy Lee from Motley Crue, Gilby Clarke of Guns & Roses fame, and Jason Newsted from Metallica.

I gotta say this year's bunch of rockers fighting for that front lead position are a mixed bunch indeed. Surprisingly MOST of the male contestants are quite weak when it comes to rocking the house compared to the female participants. If last year you had Rock powerhouse performances from the likes of Marty Casey and Mig Ayesa that would make the hairs on your neck and arms stand on end, this year you'd be left found wanting from most of the male performances.

Thank god for the crop of female rockers who makes up for the slack from the men as a few noteworthy performances from Dilana, Zayra and Storm Large in the past 2 weeks goes to prove that Supernova might end up with a female lead after all.

And within all the female rockers, Storm Large is my favourite. Just check out her manic energy in the short clip below:

Storm Large performs "I Want You To Die"

Storm Large, the underrated pink haired, porcelain-skinned, 6-foot tall rocker is a sleeper on the current Rockstar: Supernova show.

Forget Dilana with her Uruk-Hai/ogre-troll look + husky voice! (Her rendition of Nirvana's Lithium in Week One was mind-blowing nonetheless)

Forget Zayra with her overpowering crazy cool stage presence! (This sassy young un' lacks real vocal talent, but ALWAYS blows the viewer's mind with her stage antics)

Forget ALL the men on the show who look & sound like American Idol rejects!

STORM LARGE is the real deal, baby!

My money's on her to win Rockstar Season 2 AND lead Tommy Lee's NEW band.

Just check out her performance above: She oozes sex appeal in every sense of the word, she's spunky as hell and mucho expressive on stage, plus super-confident and cheekily gutsy. The whole package I tell ya!



Tuesday, July 04, 2006

a VERY Scandinavian Weekend

Sightseeing-around-KL Petrol money= RM 50

Bargained leather belt at Petaling Street = RM 20

Crazy cool necklace from Central Market = RM 30

Japanese Buffet dinner in Bukit Bintang = RM 42

Cover charge into Velvet, at Zouk = RM 30

Partying the weekend away with 4 HOT Scandinavian women I just recently met on holiday in Pulau Perhentian's Long Beach the week before = Priceless.

There's some things in life that money can't buy.

For everything else, there's MasterCard.


P/S - Cheers to Benedicta, Carolina, Karen, Josefin, and Hanne for a great weekend. Have a safe journey back and take care aight!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006


Terima kasih, daun keladi for coming back,
loyal reader.

I'm gonnae be away for the next 5 days,
on a road trip up to the East Coast.

A day in Kelantan, 2 days in the fabled Long Beach
of Pulau Perhentian Kecil,
1 day in Kuala Terengganu.

Sights, sounds, tastes.
Culture, panorama, adventure.

I'll get back to u guys with pics from my latest East Coast adventure, laters!

Monday, June 19, 2006

How to Get Your Guy to Dance

"I won't dance, don't ask me
I won't dance, don't ask me
I won't dance, Madame, with you.....
My heart won't let my feet do things that they should do"

~ I Won't Dance as sung by Frank Sinatra~

Let me be the first guy to admit it:


I won't make a sweeping comment (my A-Levels English tutor would periodically scold us on making "sweeping statements", day in, day out for the rest of our A-Levels education); but MOST guys have proven at least once or twice in their lives (must've been in an attempt to impress a woman, or been totally wasted when he did it) that they have two left feet and NO sense of rhytm. Luckily over the years I've gotten to know a few guys in KL who KNOW how to move and delight the lay-dees on the dance floor (Timoer & Ariff Riza...ur my Dance Idols!) ;-p

Speaking for myself... I dance WORSE than Will Smith's tubby client from that rom-com movie "Hitch (2005)". If you've ever seen the movie: Napoleon Dynamite (2004) ~ where the lead character dances like a dork at the end, or seen BBC's popular comedy The Office (2003) ~ in which Ricky Gervais' big boss character, David Brent does a manic dance mix of MC Hammer + Flashdance; you'd get an inkling of how terrible I move on the dance floor.

So if you're dreaming of seeing me Salsa dancing, or busting out a move as well as Usher...you'd be greatly dissapointed-lah. Dancing's just not my thing, u know. However, get me "sky high" enough and amuse yourself over the manic antics of my attempts at bopping to the beat. (Sad to say some of me mates have actual photographic evidence of me jumping like a trance'd up maniac in between 5 women to the beat of Pussycat Dolls' *Beep*. Now THAT was a good night indeed, non guys?) ;-p

At the end of the day, it all boils down to showing confidence through body language, having enough balls to go through with it, and also a sense of rhytm and grace to follow the beat of the music. After all, how hard is it to actually dance, right guys?? ;-)

Originally published on MSN.Match.com and written by Bob Strauss.

It’s a stark fact of the dating world that the number of guys who know how to dance is inversely proportional to the number of gals who want to be twirled across a parquet floor—and that even among the guys who know how to dance, the number who actually want to dance (rather than, say, sit at the bar and watch the Mets game) is, John Travolta excepted, a relatively teensy fraction.

Why should this be so? Speaking on behalf of my fellow men, I’d say dancing in public is the most exposed thing a guy can do, short of hauling a mattress out to the nearest four-way intersection and engaging in you-know-what. But there are some subtle ways you can ease your guy out of his favorite armchair and onto a crowded dance floor. To wit:

Cater to his musical tastes.
“My husband is picky about the music he’ll dance to,” says Py Kim Conant, author of Sex Secrets of an American Geisha. “It has to be 60’s, 70’s, or 80’s rock-and-roll. I can dance to anything, so instead of waiting for his kind of music, I go out on the dance floor and dance alone or with a group of people. When he sees how much I enjoy dancing without him, he’s sure to make his move when they do start playing the Rolling Stones or the Bee Gees.”

Buy him a video game.
Thanks to the wonders of technology, your guy can now learn to dance without having to leave his 200-square-foot basement apartment. For example, the game Dance Dance Revolution (for PlayStation 2, Xbox and computer) comes with a dance pad that connects to his PC or game console and an assortment of bouncy pop and techno tunes. The person playing the game has to follow the footsteps to dance proficiency. If your boyfriend is the type who’d rather stay home and play Grand Theft Auto than squire you to the local club, this can be a good way to kill two virtual birds with one stone.

Go back to school.
Probably for the same reason they refuse to stop and ask for directions, many men are reluctant to admit that they simply don’t know how to shake their booty. If you suspect this is the case, surprise your beau with an enrollment for two in a swing-dancing (or samba, or tango) class. Even if you were Miss Salsa 2002, pretending to pick up all the right moves at the same time that he does is a great way to soothe his prickly ego and coax him out to the local club.

Rent a movie.
Kathryn Alice, a relationship coach, raves about the Will Smith movie Hitch as a get-up-and-get-dancing tool. “In one scene, Hitch, a dating coach, demonstrates the basic dance a guy can do so as not to look stupid. It's a kind of side-to-side rocking, with hands on your hips and elbows bent. It's a perfect illustration of how to get away with dancing when you don’t really know how, and the movie also has a great message—that sometimes looking like a dork on the dance floor can be the best thing for your love life.”

Be careful what you wish for.
So your guy is schooled, groomed, and raring to go. Look out! He may be too eager to show off his not yet fully refined moves. “Once my boyfriend and I were at a New Year's dance, and there was this fantastic swing-dance couple out on the floor,” says Lisa from New York. “The crowd parted to watch their skill. My boyfriend decided to get a little crowd of his own going and did this odd dance, a cross between break dancing, tap dancing and an Irish jig. I could have sunk into the floor.”

New York-based writer Bob Strauss is the author of The Big Book of What, How and Why.

Monday, June 12, 2006

My *Perfect* Lover

I've been tagged by Fakhariah (Mrs. Azri, wife to a fellow friend of mine from my Magic:the Gathering-card-flopping-days as a teenage geek growing up in suburban KL) to expound further on the topic above. Here's the following rules of the game as explained by her:

>>-The tagged victim have to come up with 8 different points about his/her perfect lover.

>>-Have to mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.

>>-Tag eight other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.

>>-If you are tagged the second time. There is NO need to do this again.

>>-Lastly, most importantly, HAVE FUN DOING IT.

Before I go on, let me clear up one important point: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A *PERFECT* LOVER that exists in this world(!) Every lover (man/woman) comes with their own positives and negatives traits which makes the journey of figuring out who they really are much more exciting.

To truly love somebody is to accept them for who they are (all their failings and little, little, idiosyncrasies included), and see them for who they can be in the future (all their potential yet to be tapped, but possibly soon to be explored with your "ahem" support & guidance)

:Start Sidenote:
Isn't it ironically funny how men go into relationship expecting their women won't change their ways and stay the same just as when they first met them, while women go into relationships looking at all the potential their guy has and wants to change them (for his own good as they well-meaningly say it all the time). At the end of the day, both parties get dissapointed when their significant other does not meet each other's expectations. (Guy: I don't know you anymore! Gal: Why do we keep having the same fights, and its always about your habits that you don't want to change?!). Then again, I might have been reading a tad too much romance novels and watching too many soaps/rom-coms as per usual. I digress.
:End sidenote:

Sidenote aside, on we go with the list of criterias!

0) Gender:Woman
Of course-lah women wei...I'm a MAN..and I'm made (physically) to be with a woman. Now if your tastes, on the other hand tend to linger for the other home team (with the same type of "plumbing" as you), or the visiting team (bestiality/dolls/etc.) that's your life mate. Enjoy! ;-p

1) Independent
I value independence in a woman very, very, highly. The truth of the matter is this: I am an upcoming, soon-to-be high-flying (Islamic) investment banker. My work consumes the bulk of my hours in a 24-hour day. I can't always be there for you baby(!) I'm busy enough with my work (and trying to build up a rep for our future together), that at the end of most days, I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. There's just not much of me left to share with you at the end of the day. God comes first as my priority in life, followed by my family, then my work, next you (the love of my life), and last but not least, my health. (Most women would see this as me being selfish, but to each their own, I suppose).

Nor would I want to be there for you 24-7 either if I could/had the time to do so. I see a long-term relationship as the union of two well-adjusted individuals. And hence a well-adjusted individual would logically have their own hobbies & favourite pastimes, personal circle of friends, know what they like & dislike, agendas and plans. Just because we're together doesn't mean you have to forsake everything that makes you, you. And I wouldn't want a woman who asks me to forsake my individuality either. (yes, yes,...give and take is important in a relationship, but not to the point that we lose our own identity, baby)

Bukan aku tak sayang...tapi pasal I sayang you lah I ask this of you, honey! ;-p

In summary, I appreciate a woman who doesn't really need (like need, NEED) me (because she has a life of her own), yet realises that together, we can work on each other strengths and create magical experiences and memories. Weak, clingy, women need not apply.

2) Creative
Being born into a family where my mom is a language & history teacher, and most of my maternal clan are artistically inclined; I was brought up in an environment where expressing yourself creatively was indulged and appreciated.

Hence explains my deep appreciation for films of every genre, my long-term obsession with sci-fi/fantasy novels, comics, and cartoons (I know, I know...juvenile..yet so deeply satisfying to me), and a new love affair for music of every era and genre. This all stems from a culture of reading and writing ingrained in me since my youth.

Creativity in a woman is something I find truly exciting. It ensures things never get dull and boring for long before the next highlight comes along. Anniversaries, birthdays, and special moments takes on a new meaning when your significant other is creative. It doesn't need to be romantic all the time, it doesn't need to be expensive, heck usually it's even cheap or the most simplest thing in the world!

Yet when creativity is used, it shows that you REALLY care for me, and took extra time to plot & plan how to pull off the next surprise of my life. And that my love, is far more important to me than any expensive candlelight dinner, extravagant overseas holiday, or even any exorbitant gift you can buy for me.

Be creative in every gesture you make, and I'll be yours forever. ;-)

3) Adventurous
If my mum taught me an appreciation for the arts, my father on the other hand, hammered into me the importance of being adventurous. Being adventurous gets you out of your comfort zone, makes you experience new highs, and acquire new wisdom.

From traversing the subterranean underwater dive spots of Malaysia, to conquering the highest peak of South East Asia (Mt. Kinabalu), travelling to most of the European highlights and antiquities, to learning the skills of horseriding and its finer details of caring for another creature; i've done it all. (Thanks mostly to my father who pulled us children kicking and screaming through all those activities which we initially hated but gradually learnt to enjoy).

I may be a boring, white-collar investment banker who sits in his cubicle all day long, barely gets enough exercise anymore these days, and tied to the decorum of being an upstanding member of society; but beneath this facade lies a passionate wild man that would love nothing better than to spend his days exploring the world, going on travels and having adventures.

An adventurous woman who isn't afraid to get out of her comfort zone and experience new highs is definitely a huge turn-on. I want to experience new mind-numbing, jaw-dropping sensations with you; create new magical memories that can paint even a boring day together into something wonderful, and eventually delight us in all the shared things we've done together as we walk down memory lane.

Yet I can't do that if you refuse to even step out of the luxury hotel due to fear of nature, and the weird looking foreigners who looks funny at you, for fear of catching something bad or feeling even slightly uncomfortable. Your loss, honey! ;-p

4) Strong
By this definition, I don't mean physical strength, instead what I meant was mental & emotional strength.

I truly appreciate a woman who has mental & emotional strength, to guide her in times of trouble, stress, and pressure; and isn't afraid to speak up in times of doubt.

The more independent and strong a woman is in her day to day communication with people; the more of a softie she REALLY is inside. She just needs the right person to coax her to be manja with (although she'd never admit it to anyone, most importantly you!). I find this juxtaposition between being strong in front of everyone else, but manja to no one else but me verily a huge turn-on. After all, kalo takleh bermanja dengan abang, you nak bermanja dengan sapa lagi kan sayang? ;-)

5) Feminine
Despite highlighting my appreciation for strength, it doesn't mean I fall for every fire-breathing dragon lady / Eastern European steroid-addled athletic-looking strongwomen out there-lah! I enjoy a woman who knows how to accentuate her feminity in a subtle way. No blonde bombshell or sexy sirens for me, no sirree.

As a sidenote, it galls me how many KL women overmake-up their faces disproportionately to their body. I mean, takkanlah masa pakai foundation and make up tuh, you tak perasan yang your skintone now doesn't match your overly made up face, sayang oiii... It's SO funny to go clubbing and see these Frankenstein-like women who have inches of make-up on their faces try to pass themselves off as Snow "White".

Just be yourself woman...I'll like you for your funky sense of style, or the crazy way you wear your hair, NOT despite of it.

6) Confident/Passionate
Besides Independence, Confidence/Passion in a woman is a definite turn on.

I'm a male chauvinistic pig with a cynical view of women (what can I do, my educational and social background plus past experiences naturally leads me to distrust women). So a woman that can stand toe to toe with me, and call me up on my bullshit (which I spout randomly 24-7 neways) receives my longlasting respect and undying adoration.

A confident woman isn't afraid to speak her mind, try to have things her way, flirt and tease me until I come to breaking point, and challenge me all the way.

That my son, is a perilous way to live...but an exciting one, nonetheless.

7) Wise
Being born a fiery, passionate, Leo and my descendents hailing from the land of Kelantan (known far and wide for its fair share of "gedebe" people, hotheads who love to pick a fight--physical, verbal, or mental, with anyone just for the fun of picking a fight) I admit that I tend to follow my emotions a lot(!) and act before I think. Which comes to be a detriment most times more than its worth it.

So a wise lover (if ur into these astrological shite, that means those signs based on the element of Water) would be helpful in reining me in from time to time and reminding me of picking my fights wisely instead of just barreling in with a battle cry, only to suffer the consequences later as I lick my paws in agony and shame of defeat.

Wisdom does not mean a know-it-all goody two shoes with a CGPA of 4.0. If I wanted to learn about anything and everything in the world, I could always Google/Wikipedia it up or turn on the Discovery/National Geographic channel. After all, I'm not much of an intellectual meself. Brainy people intimidate me, heathen fool that I am.

8) HOT!!!
And last but not least, I admit that I am a regular male driven by lust and the two extra brains God gifted upon men, down below. I am far, far, shallower than Shallow Hal (my favourite rom-com of all time) and as tubby as Jack Black, the lead of Shallow Hal. Yet my ideal lover needs to be HOT!!! A smokin HOT, traffic-stopping, head-turning, accident-inducing se-xay-as-hell woman!!!

Dub it double standards, name it perasan-tak-ukur-baju-sendiri, call me a bastard who likes going after women way out of his league. Whatever-lah dude.

There's 3.5 billion women in the world. 2/3 of the population in KL are women. If you're not into me honey, there's a lot more women out there just waiting for a man to walk into their life and whisk them off to have the most exciting time of their life.

In conclusion, to all the HOT, independent, confident, adventurous, ladies out there just dying to be a member of the Nik Fan Club; don't worry babe, given time I'd eventually get to meet you in the end and we'll have fun like there's no tomorrow!

P/S--All attempts at sarcasm we're intentional and direct, in light of how frivolously fun this fantasy topic is. ;-)

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Top 10 Business Buzzwords

Originally published on MSN Encarta, written by Megan Aemmer

Whether you office from home or home from office, you've probably heard some of these best-of-breed words and phrases unleashed at you and wondered what exactly your boss or coworker was talking about. Whether humorous or just plain annoying, you'll probably hear some of these dynamic phrases from time to time. This list will help you translate, and maybe even repurpose a few words to grow your own business buzz vocabulary.

Drive: No, it doesn't refer to your daily commute. Drive is a multipurpose buzz word, overused in such phrases as "drive out cost," "drive the project," and "drive the organization." Last I checked, costs, projects, and organizations don't typically have wheels and a chassis.

Incent: A nonword that is often used in business as a verb. Instead of creating incentives, management types may try to incent their team to sell more by offering--you guessed it--incentives. Some other commonly verbed words: office (She likes to office from home), text (Hey, text me the address), google (I googled him before the first date).

Delayering: A newer, more PC term for rightsizing, a.k.a. downsizing. Potato, potahto. It's still a layoff.

Narcissurfing: If your coworker is late to a meeting again, it's probably because he's been narcissurfing all morning. That is, googling yourself to see where, when, and how often you show up on the Internet.

Deep dive: If someone asks you to deep dive (or drill down), they're asking for in-depth information or discussion on a subject. "I did a deep dive on the Chinese market, and I don't think we'll be able to move product there. But I'll drill down on Brazil and see what sell-through potential there may be."

Bleeding edge: The "cutting edge" is so passé. Even better is the bleeding edge. "The program Johnson's working on is bleeding edge. The concept is so new even he's not sure what the product will do yet."

Offline: To take something offline is to discuss something in person or on the phone, rather than via e-mail or instant message conversation. This phrase usually crops up when an e-mail trail gets excessively long and/or involves more people than necessary to solve the issue at hand. Also used in meetings: "We'll deal with that offline, when this meeting's over."

Ping: To get someone's attention, ping them via e-mail or IM. "Hey, ping me when you hear back from her about the London conference." Back in the pre-Internet era, "ping" referred to the sound of a submarine's sonar.

Al desko: To save time, I often dine al desko, usually after five minutes of microwaiting. (In other words, I eat at my desk after heating up lunch in the microwave.)

Defrag: It used to mean rearranging data files on a hard disk, but defrag can also mean "to relax." After a rough day of officing, you may want to defrag in front of the TV.

This list was architected to enable effective information deliverance while officing.