Terminal Breakdown

I had an epiphany the other day.

I realise that I haven’t been myself in quite awhile.

Getting confirmed as a permanent staff in January had put SO much pressure on me to perform and excel that I had practically stopped doing the stuff I loved.

I regularly come back around 9-10pm every working day.

I haven’t been to the bloody cinema to watch a movie in god knows how many months! (and I claim to be a film addict...sheesh!)

I have a huge stack of pirated DVDs and comic books (graphic novels for those adults that DON'T want to pretend that they’re STILL reading comics despite their increasingly ageing years) that I have YET to go thru.

I’ve missed episodes to SO many tv series that I promised I would follow religiously from the Amazing Race, to CSI, to Las Vegas to oh-the-mind-just-shudders at the thought of missing so much TV! ;-p

I haven’t been online in god knows how long that I’ve missed watching shedloads of movie trailers, stopped downloading mp3s and latest US tv shows.

I’ve given so many excuses to invitations from friends to club the weekend away (I’m just not in the mood or don't have the energy) that they’re starting to stop asking in the first place.

Heck, I can’t remember the last time I actually went out in the sun and felt it’s heat prickling my skin! Damn the office and its artificially air conditioned environs!

What the Fcuk has happened to me ??

Have I lost the plot to who I really am and turned into a *gasp**shudder* WORKAHOLIC ??

Or am I just evolving to my new environs and responsibilities, leaving behind my immature self and growing into a new ME with different interests and hobbies.

Whatever it is, it’s NOT a good development as I can feel every fiber of my being pulled apart and stretched to its finite ends. Every week is a five-day grind until the next weekend where I try to fit everything I want to do into 2 measly days.

I’m feeling unsatisfied. Unfulfilled. Empty.

I have a shorter fuse too these days and shout & curse given the slightest reason....

The holiday in Singapore helped release some tension and add humour and colour back into my life but after the rush of Invest Malaysia, I feel depleted and lethargic again.

Is it WORTH it to get paid lotsa MONEY to work overtime if you don’t have the bloody TIME to spend it in the end?

Is MORE MONEY worth losing your HAPPINESS ??

Only time will tell.

:-(