The Penis Dialogues
If women have the Vagina Monologues, we men have the Penis Dialogues. This is what goes on when men hang out together and actually open up to each other (not that it happens frequently...we are after all the sex known to be less in touch with our true feelings and inept at emoting them effectively!).
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Two men are sitting in a stairwell, in a nondescript office building somewhere in KL, smoking on cigarettes as they chat about everything and nothing.
Steven: So how was your weekend mate?
NiK: Dude. You wouldn’t believe all the crazy shite I got up to last Friday man…
Hahaha…try me, son…I’ve been around the block a few times myself. I gotta admit since I’ve gotten married with 2.5 kids, I barely get as wild as those good ol’ days…but believe me, I’ve had my own share of fun and games.
Well…remember how I said my peeps were goin out to celebrate some chica’s birthday last Friday?
Right…I remember you mentioning that. So how was Ms. Delicious’ Duck Pasta Confitte that I recommended?
It was o.k I guess…..I mean, the Chef must’ve sprinkled too much Extra Virgin Olive Oil or summat ‘cos it felt like Maggi Goreng to me. Plus I wasn’t expecting the duck servings to be char grilled or fried. I’d have preferred boiled pieces of tender duck instead mate.
Oh well…I guess I recommended you the wrong dish then. My bad. Anyway, you’re digressing. How was the night itself?
Well…y’know… Dinner at Delicious (Ms. Read) in Bangsar Village. Followed by drinks and dancing in Bar Flams, Bangsar. Midway the birthday girl got wasted. Puked under our table. Being the only one sober (I don’t drink), I was part of the ‘rescue team’ that adjourned to one of the peeps apartment where she recuperated. We then proceeded to after-party until the early morn. Gawd, I only went to sleep at 8a.m. on Saturday morning!
Hahahaha…what I’d do to be young and brainless again! So you had fun then my son…..then why the long face?
Can I ask you something dude? I mean you’re older than me and all so I’m sure you’ve had your fair share of experiences with woman during your younger days before you got hitched, aight?
*Grins* Shoot.
Is it normal for KL women to NOT have anything in their kitchen in terms of food and stuff? I mean this woman barely has anything edible around her house except a mouldy cake and a two-week-old loaf of bread. I’m not looking for Betty Crocker to take care of my every culinary need or anything for god’s sake but that’s no frickin way to live man!!!
Which woman is this? The one that got wasted?
Nah...the one who's apartment we adjourned to since her place is the nearest.
Ahh....the one you have the hots for right?
I DON'T, i repeat, i DON'T have the hots for her, dude! We're JUST friends!!!......O.k....maybe a little....nah...a lot....fcuk I don't know anymore after last weekend man!
Hahahaha…Nik, my son…relax! You're overreacting as usual. Tell me something. How old are you right now?
Err… I just turned twenty-five last August.
*At this moment, another office mate walks into the staircase where the two men were smoking*
Jamal….tell me something. At what age did you get married?
Jamal: The big 3-0. Before that I was into everything from drinking to gambling to womanizing. But I made a promise to myself that once I hit 30, if I find the right woman I’d stop all that shit and settle down. True to my words…I met my wife 3 months before I turned 30 and boom…married her 3 months later.
Hahahaha…that’s a little excessive Jamal. But my point still stands Nik…just what are you worrying about anyway? You’re still young…you should be going out there every night and enjoying the hell out of your life mate!
Gosh, in hindsight all those women that I went after were never right for me anyway. It the ones I missed or let go that turned out to be the better ones. So what’s your problem?
Well…. I dunno dude. It’s not that I’m looking for marriage or anything man…god forbid! I’m only fcukin 25 for fecks sake! But last weekend just changed my point of view about this woman…and most KL women in general. I mean didn’t their mothers bring them up better in terms of being at least a little homely or helpful around the kitchen?
One word of advice my son….it’s a little known truth but everyone is too polite to say it out loud anyway: No one marries party girls.
Steven: So how was your weekend mate?
NiK: Dude. You wouldn’t believe all the crazy shite I got up to last Friday man…
Hahaha…try me, son…I’ve been around the block a few times myself. I gotta admit since I’ve gotten married with 2.5 kids, I barely get as wild as those good ol’ days…but believe me, I’ve had my own share of fun and games.
Well…remember how I said my peeps were goin out to celebrate some chica’s birthday last Friday?
Right…I remember you mentioning that. So how was Ms. Delicious’ Duck Pasta Confitte that I recommended?
It was o.k I guess…..I mean, the Chef must’ve sprinkled too much Extra Virgin Olive Oil or summat ‘cos it felt like Maggi Goreng to me. Plus I wasn’t expecting the duck servings to be char grilled or fried. I’d have preferred boiled pieces of tender duck instead mate.
Oh well…I guess I recommended you the wrong dish then. My bad. Anyway, you’re digressing. How was the night itself?
Well…y’know… Dinner at Delicious (Ms. Read) in Bangsar Village. Followed by drinks and dancing in Bar Flams, Bangsar. Midway the birthday girl got wasted. Puked under our table. Being the only one sober (I don’t drink), I was part of the ‘rescue team’ that adjourned to one of the peeps apartment where she recuperated. We then proceeded to after-party until the early morn. Gawd, I only went to sleep at 8a.m. on Saturday morning!
Hahahaha…what I’d do to be young and brainless again! So you had fun then my son…..then why the long face?
Can I ask you something dude? I mean you’re older than me and all so I’m sure you’ve had your fair share of experiences with woman during your younger days before you got hitched, aight?
*Grins* Shoot.
Is it normal for KL women to NOT have anything in their kitchen in terms of food and stuff? I mean this woman barely has anything edible around her house except a mouldy cake and a two-week-old loaf of bread. I’m not looking for Betty Crocker to take care of my every culinary need or anything for god’s sake but that’s no frickin way to live man!!!
Which woman is this? The one that got wasted?
Nah...the one who's apartment we adjourned to since her place is the nearest.
Ahh....the one you have the hots for right?
I DON'T, i repeat, i DON'T have the hots for her, dude! We're JUST friends!!!......O.k....maybe a little....nah...a lot....fcuk I don't know anymore after last weekend man!
Hahahaha…Nik, my son…relax! You're overreacting as usual. Tell me something. How old are you right now?
Err… I just turned twenty-five last August.
*At this moment, another office mate walks into the staircase where the two men were smoking*
Jamal….tell me something. At what age did you get married?
Jamal: The big 3-0. Before that I was into everything from drinking to gambling to womanizing. But I made a promise to myself that once I hit 30, if I find the right woman I’d stop all that shit and settle down. True to my words…I met my wife 3 months before I turned 30 and boom…married her 3 months later.
Hahahaha…that’s a little excessive Jamal. But my point still stands Nik…just what are you worrying about anyway? You’re still young…you should be going out there every night and enjoying the hell out of your life mate!
Gosh, in hindsight all those women that I went after were never right for me anyway. It the ones I missed or let go that turned out to be the better ones. So what’s your problem?
Well…. I dunno dude. It’s not that I’m looking for marriage or anything man…god forbid! I’m only fcukin 25 for fecks sake! But last weekend just changed my point of view about this woman…and most KL women in general. I mean didn’t their mothers bring them up better in terms of being at least a little homely or helpful around the kitchen?
One word of advice my son….it’s a little known truth but everyone is too polite to say it out loud anyway: No one marries party girls.
I know that’s such a male chauvinist comment to make. But I have to admit men are bastards when it comes to relationships. When they wanna have fun, they go to a party girl. But when they want to settle down, they go and find a nice girl to marry. Cruel I must say…but that’s just the way the world actually works.
Just what is up with the new breed of men these days anyway? They’re like emotional pussies that are too in touch with their emotions. Heck I see younger woman these days that are more outgoing than men. They know what they want, they know how to party and they have their own money.
I guess that kind of freedom makes them find guys their own age too emotionally fragile and go after older men; even married men like me. *Grins*
Oh fcuk off Jamal…are you telling me younger women hit on you eventho’ you’re married?
Exactly BECAUSE I’m married. You see married men are more matured, less reckless and emotional, and more in touch with themselves. There’s a certain inner confidence that a married man carries with him which women just find damn irresistible.
Hahahaha…this man isn’t lying, my son. I have a friend of mine who’s two times larger than me but fcuking rich (he works as a remisier) with a hot MAS Stewardess wife. Whenever she’s away overseas he’d lug around a young beauty on his arms when we meet up for drinks. Then the next week it’d be a different young hottie. Granted him having money helps…but he has that charisma thing going y’know.
No I don’t know. And I reckon you fcukers are pulling my bloody leg. Married older men are HOT? Bollocks!
Son…you’ll just have to learn to be less emotional about life and the cards it deals you. Don’t look into settling down too fast. I mean you’re only 25!!! Enjoy life and everything it can offer you. Date multiple women. Go out. Have fun. Meet lotsa people.
Then when you hit the big 3-0. You start looking for the ONE to settle down with.
So going back to these party girls….what happens to them once they hit 28 or 30?
That’s easy. They find themselves an Ah-Mo boyfriend who doesn’t mind the fact that they’re not homely and keep on partying.
Or they hook up with older married men who are rich enough to take care of them and just want to have fun at the side.
Do any of them ever slow down and gradually change?
Son…people are different. They want different things at different times in their life. So what are you worrying about? For now, have fun and go experience as much of life as possible.
When the right times comes. You’ll know. And some women change after awhile as well…if they feel like slowing down, they’ll put more of an effort into wanting something more with you. But til’ then go out with no set preconceptions and just see where life takes you.
*Our boss walks in onto the staircase at this precise moment*
Wah lau wei…you fcukers have nothing better to do than smoke and chat the whole day thru issit? Get back to work and leave me in peace when I’m smoking!
Hahaha…yes boss! (in unison)
Just what is up with the new breed of men these days anyway? They’re like emotional pussies that are too in touch with their emotions. Heck I see younger woman these days that are more outgoing than men. They know what they want, they know how to party and they have their own money.
I guess that kind of freedom makes them find guys their own age too emotionally fragile and go after older men; even married men like me. *Grins*
Oh fcuk off Jamal…are you telling me younger women hit on you eventho’ you’re married?
Exactly BECAUSE I’m married. You see married men are more matured, less reckless and emotional, and more in touch with themselves. There’s a certain inner confidence that a married man carries with him which women just find damn irresistible.
Hahahaha…this man isn’t lying, my son. I have a friend of mine who’s two times larger than me but fcuking rich (he works as a remisier) with a hot MAS Stewardess wife. Whenever she’s away overseas he’d lug around a young beauty on his arms when we meet up for drinks. Then the next week it’d be a different young hottie. Granted him having money helps…but he has that charisma thing going y’know.
No I don’t know. And I reckon you fcukers are pulling my bloody leg. Married older men are HOT? Bollocks!
Son…you’ll just have to learn to be less emotional about life and the cards it deals you. Don’t look into settling down too fast. I mean you’re only 25!!! Enjoy life and everything it can offer you. Date multiple women. Go out. Have fun. Meet lotsa people.
Then when you hit the big 3-0. You start looking for the ONE to settle down with.
So going back to these party girls….what happens to them once they hit 28 or 30?
That’s easy. They find themselves an Ah-Mo boyfriend who doesn’t mind the fact that they’re not homely and keep on partying.
Or they hook up with older married men who are rich enough to take care of them and just want to have fun at the side.
Do any of them ever slow down and gradually change?
Son…people are different. They want different things at different times in their life. So what are you worrying about? For now, have fun and go experience as much of life as possible.
When the right times comes. You’ll know. And some women change after awhile as well…if they feel like slowing down, they’ll put more of an effort into wanting something more with you. But til’ then go out with no set preconceptions and just see where life takes you.
*Our boss walks in onto the staircase at this precise moment*
Wah lau wei…you fcukers have nothing better to do than smoke and chat the whole day thru issit? Get back to work and leave me in peace when I’m smoking!
Hahaha…yes boss! (in unison)
posted by NiK! at
4:40 PM
