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A peek into the twisted mind of a Natural Born Geek! Learn the shocking truth ! Run away crying in agony ! Gasp at the horror! Showing nationwide in all respectable cinema outlets.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Kong Hee Fatt Choy!!!

To the peeps celebrating the upcoming CNY festivities,

Gong Xi Fa Cai
and
May the Year of the Dog
bring you much
Wealth & Prosperity!


I'm taking a much deserved one weak break
doing the cuti-cuti Malaysia thing
(a weekend in Kelantan, a few days in Penang, etc.)

See u again after the one week hols!

Thursday, January 26, 2006

The Penis Dialogues

Over the weekend, I found a nice surprise when a fellow MtG-gamer I've hung out with every few weekends or so for the past 10 years turned out to also be a practising advocate of David Deangelo. (Yes, yes...this is ANOTHER male-chauvinistically charged post on women and the concepts of attraction, so to my regular readers that HATES this kinda posts, log off now..I promise a movie review double whammy on Pride & Prejudice AND Oliver Twist sometime during the CNY hols).

Neways, Vincent (or Atog as he is more commonly known among the Malaysian Gaming circles~Sorry dude, that JUST had to come out...hehehe) first got introduced to David Deangelo's concepts three years ago and has been practising it for a good two years. Compared to myself who's only been turned on to it around 9 months ago, that's a lifetime of mackin' mate!

Here's some interesting excerpts from our conversations during the weekend:

The Reality
When it comes to creating attraction instead of affection in a woman; some guys are born with it (naturals), some guys do it the hard way and learn through years of actual trial & error experiences in the field (playas), and MOST guys never figure it out(nice guy).

Forever to be doomed as THAT NICE GUY who's caught in an eternal cycle of being a woman's best guy friend, listening to her moan & bitch when their bastard boyfriends leave them high and dry until the next booty call comes (whereupon aforementioned *nice guy* ends up in his regular depressing "lurch" and have to resort to wanking all that frustration away).

Thanks to the wonders of modern technology however, there's SO much information available on the Net these days. Just Google up or download anything you want to know about creating attraction in women and I'm sure you'll find some pretty interesting sources such as David Deangelo, Mystery, David X, Cliff's List, Neill Strauss, etc.

It's funny how people go to university for four long years to get a degree when they want to learn something, yet EXPECT to master human communication magically in the blink of an eye. Like all things in life, you HAVE TO go through an EDUCATION before you can shed your current lethargy and start succeeding with women. It doesn't happen overnight and it takes A LOT of practise. But it's worth it because once you've mastered this, you can focus on far more pertinent things in your life and apply it to pretty much every other aspect of your day to day life.

Your success is but a Google click away.


On Approaching Woman
Vincent: Tell me something. What's your mindset when you approach women? What goes on in that brain of yours? Nervousness? Fear? Anxiety?

NiK: Dudeeee, c'mon man. U gotta give me some credit, man. After all, i HAVE been exposed to Deangelo for the past 9 months. It used to be like that all through out my teens right until about 9 months ago.

Nowadays, I pretty much approach in a calm/relaxed manner, make and keep eye contact, control my voice inflections to pace it slower and deeper conveying confidence and nonchalance, and have positive body language by leaning back and avoiding fidgeting, hunching or hovering nervously.

My mindset going in is: It doesn't matter if I don't get this one, heck there's another 2 billion women population in this world!

Vincent: Wrong! That's a flawed mindset to have.

NiK: WTF??!!

Listen to me.

When you go in with even a smidgen of inkling EXPECTING failure (say 1-5% of self-doubt) , it carries thru when you're emoting and in your body language. Remember, 90% of all communication is non-verbal and women are particularly adept at picking up on little stuff like this.


Woah....*blinks in realization*...that's a fcukin strong reframe you just made on me man....like a 180 degrees change in how I think about stuff....cool...

Hahahahahaha......That's why you're the lowly padawan and I-AM-THE-MASTER !

Fcuk you, b1tch!

When I go in, I have the mindset that no matter what excuse the women throws at me, i WILL get her. Even if she shows resistance, i WILL find a way to overcome her defenses and get to her. That 100% self belief follows thru into my body language and when I emote; creating cocky confidence that's invincible.

Strong! Now are you gonna finish those fries? The bloody cashier shortchanged me on my Happy Meal. I DEMAND my Happy Meal Toy!

*Throws fries at me* Stop being a dumb-ass, Nik.

Mmmmm...MickeyDs sure does make the BEST fries in the world...

*Rolls eyes in mock disdain*


Self-Referral Vs. Object Referral
So tell me. What's this I read on your blog about you freezing up when it comes to speaking to that certain somebody? (refer to F-R-E-E-Z-E! post from right sidebar)

I can't put it into words, man....I mean I can get along pretty fine and have pretty much eliminated most of my insecurities when it comes to communicating with women. Yet when it comes to her.... when it comes to her..... I....

You turn into a WUSS.

Yes....yes I wuss-out and just become someone other than me. My brain turns to jello, my tongue is stifled, I don't know what to say....Why do I fear so much? And only with her?

Easy. That's because you CARE too much about the outcome when it comes to her. Have you ever heard of Self-Referral & Object-Referral?

Err....nope. C'mon...'fess up and spill the beans Einstein!

Well.... your puny undeveloped brain might not be able to take this in at this stage, but let's see whether I can reframe your mindset some more and make it grow.

*Hmmppph!* Reframe away then beyatch!

Object-Referral means your current mood, mindset and general state of happiness is dependent to an object. Be it getting that pay rise/promotion at work, buying that latest in-thing gadget, or like you....having that woman of your dreams.

Self-Referral on the other hand means your current mood, mindset and general state of happiness is free of any earthly desires and is wholly dependent on only yourself. No amount of white noise, negativeness, nor tragedy in your surrounding environ affects your state of mind. Once you have attained this level of mastery, then only will you have that elusive X-factor people dub charisma.

Blow me down and Shiver me timbers! Colour Me Clueless if you didn't just quote Buddha AND Yoda in the same breath, just now.

Regardless of its source, it is THE universal truth.

You HAVE to get over your hang-up with this woman and move on. Your general state of happiness DOES NOT depend on one woman. Go out there and meet more women. Grow up and evolve.

From our conversations and what I've seen on your blog, you've figured out much of the theory...all you lack is the practise and application in real life.

There's three types of people in this world: Those that talk the talk (posers); those that walk the walk (mundanes); and those that walk the talk (uniques) Go out there and start walking the talk instead of merely contemplating about it!

*smiles* U've got a point there my man....gawd do I need to get much more face-time. All these ideas in my head and nary the time to test 'em out. It's been a pleasure just hanging out talking shop with you, man....

Anytime Nik...Anytime. I presume lunch is on you the next time around?

*grins* Anytime dude....Anytime.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

The Trouble With Boys

After the Extinction of Men post, here's an apt follow up that shows in reality, men really ARE trailing behind the women; even from a young age.

I can hear the doomsday bells tolling guys! ;-p
-----

Originally published in Newsweek, written by Peg Tyre.

"They're kinetic, maddening and failing at school. Now educators are trying new ways to help them succeed."

Jan. 30, 2006 issue - Spend a few minutes on the phone with Danny Frankhuizen and you come away thinking, "What a nice boy." He's thoughtful, articulate, bright. He has a good relationship with his mom, goes to church every Sunday, loves the rock band Phish and spends hours each day practicing his guitar. But once he's inside his large public Salt Lake City high school, everything seems to go wrong. He's 16, but he can't stay organized. He finishes his homework and then can't find it in his backpack. He loses focus in class, and his teachers, with 40 kids to wrangle, aren't much help. "If I miss a concept, they tell me, 'Figure it out yourself'," says Danny. Last year Danny's grades dropped from B's to D's and F's. The sophomore, who once dreamed of Stanford, is pulling his grades up but worries that "I won't even get accepted at community college."

His mother, Susie Malcom, a math teacher who is divorced, says it's been wrenching to watch Danny stumble. "I tell myself he's going to make something good out of himself," she says. "But it's hard to see doors close and opportunities fall away."

What's wrong with Danny? By almost every benchmark, boys across the nation and in every demographic group are falling behind. In elementary school, boys are two times more likely than girls to be diagnosed with learning disabilities and twice as likely to be placed in special-education classes. High-school boys are losing ground to girls on standardized writing tests. The number of boys who said they didn't like school rose 71 percent between 1980 and 2001, according to a University of Michigan study. Nowhere is the shift more evident than on college campuses. Thirty years ago men represented 58 percent of the undergraduate student body. Now they're a minority at 44 percent. This widening achievement gap, says Margaret Spellings, U.S. secretary of Education, "has profound implications for the economy, society, families and democracy."

With millions of parents wringing their hands, educators are searching for new tools to help tackle the problem of boys. Books including Michael Thompson's best seller "Raising Cain" (recently made into a PBS documentary) and Harvard psychologist William Pollack's definitive work "Real Boys" have become must-reads in the teachers' lounge. The Gurian Institute, founded in 1997 by family therapist Michael Gurian to help the people on the front lines help boys, has enrolled 15,000 teachers in its seminars. Even the Gates Foundation, which in the last five years has given away nearly a billion dollars to innovative high schools, is making boys a big priority. "Helping underperforming boys," says Jim Shelton, the foundation's education director, "has become part of our core mission."

The problem won't be solved overnight. In the last two decades, the education system has become obsessed with a quantifiable and narrowly defined kind of academic success, these experts say, and that myopic view is harming boys. Boys are biologically, developmentally and psychologically different from girls—and teachers need to learn how to bring out the best in every one. "Very well-meaning people," says Dr. Bruce Perry, a Houston neurologist who advocates for troubled kids, "have created a biologically disrespectful model of education."

Thirty years ago it was girls, not boys, who were lagging. The 1972 federal law Title IX forced schools to provide equal opportunities for girls in the classroom and on the playing field. Over the next two decades, billions of dollars were funneled into finding new ways to help girls achieve. In 1992, the American Association of University Women issued a report claiming that the work of Title IX was not done—girls still fell behind in math and science; by the mid-1990s, girls had reduced the gap in math and more girls than boys were taking high-school-level biology and chemistry.

Some scholars, notably Christina Hoff Sommers, a fellow at the American Enterprise Institute, charge that misguided feminism is what's been hurting boys. In the 1990s, she says, girls were making strong, steady progress toward parity in schools, but feminist educators portrayed them as disadvantaged and lavished them with support and attention. Boys, meanwhile, whose rates of achievement had begun to falter, were ignored and their problems allowed to fester (click here for related essay).

Boys have always been boys, but the expectations for how they're supposed to act and learn in school have changed. In the last 10 years, thanks in part to activist parents concerned about their children's success, school performance has been measured in two simple ways: how many students are enrolled in accelerated courses and whether test scores stay high. Standardized assessments have become commonplace for kids as young as 6. Curricula have become more rigid. Instead of allowing teachers to instruct kids in the manner and pace that suit each class, some states now tell teachers what, when and how to teach. At the same time, student-teacher ratios have risen, physical education and sports programs have been cut and recess is a distant memory. These new pressures are undermining the strengths and underscoring the limitations of what psychologists call the "boy brain"—the kinetic, disorganized, maddening and sometimes brilliant behaviors that scientists now believe are not learned but hard-wired.

When Cris Messler of Mountainside, N.J., brought her 3-year-old son Sam to a pediatrician to get him checked for ADHD, she was acknowledging the desperation parents can feel. He's a high-energy kid, and Messler found herself hoping for a positive diagnosis. "If I could get a diagnosis from the doctor, I could get him on medicine," she says. The doctor said Sam is a normal boy. School has been tough, though. Sam's reading teacher said he was hopeless. His first-grade teacher complains he's antsy, and Sam, now 7, has been referring to himself as "stupid." Messler's glad her son doesn't need medication, but what, she wonders, can she do now to help her boy in school?

For many boys, the trouble starts as young as 5, when they bring to kindergarten a set of physical and mental abilities very different from girls'. As almost any parent knows, most 5-year-old girls are more fluent than boys and can sight-read more words. Boys tend to have better hand-eye coordination, but their fine motor skills are less developed, making it a struggle for some to control a pencil or a paintbrush. Boys are more impulsive than girls; even if they can sit still, many prefer not to—at least not for long.

Thirty years ago feminists argued that classic "boy" behaviors were a result of socialization, but these days scientists believe they are an expression of male brain chemistry. Sometime in the first trimester, a boy fetus begins producing male sex hormones that bathe his brain in testosterone for the rest of his gestation. "That exposure wires the male brain differently," says Arthur Arnold, professor of physiological science at UCLA. How? Scientists aren't exactly sure. New studies show that prenatal exposure to male sex hormones directly affects the way children play. Girls whose mothers have high levels of testosterone during pregnancy are more likely to prefer playing with trucks to playing with dolls. There are also clues that hormones influence the way we learn all through life. In a Dutch study published in 1994, doctors found that when males were given female hormones, their spatial skills dropped but their verbal skills improved.

In elementary-school classrooms—where teachers increasingly put an emphasis on language and a premium on sitting quietly and speaking in turn—the mismatch between boys and school can become painfully obvious. "Girl behavior becomes the gold standard," says "Raising Cain" coauthor Thompson. "Boys are treated like defective girls."

Two years ago Kelley King, principal of Douglass Elementary School in Boulder, Colo., looked at the gap between boys and girls and decided to take action. Boys were lagging 10 points behind girls in reading and 14 points in writing. Many more boys than girls were being labeled as learning disabled, too. So King asked her teachers to buy copies of Gurian's book "The Minds of Boys," on boy-friendly classrooms, and in the fall of 2004 she launched a bold experiment. Whenever possible, teachers replaced lecture time with fast-moving lessons that all kids could enjoy. Three weeks ago, instead of discussing the book "The View From Saturday," teacher Pam Unrau divided her third graders into small groups, and one student in each group pretended to be a character from the book. Classes are noisier, Unrau says, but the boys are closing the gap. Last spring, Douglass girls scored an average of 106 on state writing tests, while boys got a respectable 101.

Primatologists have long observed that juvenile male chimps battle each other not just for food and females, but to establish and maintain their place in the hierarchy of the tribe. Primates face off against each other rather than appear weak. That same evolutionary imperative, psychologists say, can make it hard for boys to thrive in middle school—and difficult for boys who are failing to accept the help they need. The transition to middle school is rarely easy, but like the juvenile primates they are, middle-school boys will do almost anything to avoid admitting that they're overwhelmed. "Boys measure everything they do or say by a single yardstick: does this make me look weak?" says Thompson. "And if it does, he isn't going to do it." That's part of the reason that videogames have such a powerful hold on boys: the action is constant, they can calibrate just how hard the challenges will be and, when they lose, the defeat is private.

When Brian Johns hit seventh grade, he never admitted how vulnerable it made him feel. "I got behind and never caught up," says Brian, now 17 and a senior at Grand River Academy, an Ohio boarding school. When his parents tried to help, he rebuffed them. When his mother, Anita, tried to help him organize his assignment book, he grew evasive about when his homework was due. Anita didn't know where to turn. Brian's school had a program for gifted kids, and support for ones with special needs. But what, Anita asked his teachers, do they do about kids like her son who are in the middle and struggling? Those kids, one of Brian's teachers told Anita, "are the ones who fall through the cracks."

It's easy for middle-school boys to feel outgunned. Girls reach sexual maturity two years ahead of boys, but other, less visible differences put boys at a disadvantage, too. The prefrontal cortex is a knobby region of the brain directly behind the forehead that scientists believe helps humans organize complex thoughts, control their impulses and understand the consequences of their own behavior. In the last five years, Dr. Jay Giedd, an expert in brain development at the National Institutes of Health, has used brain scans to show that in girls, it reaches its maximum thickness by the age of 11 and, for the next decade or more, continues to mature. In boys, this process is delayed by 18 months.

Middle-school boys may use their brains less efficiently, too. Using a type of MRI that traces activity in the brain, Deborah Yurgelun-Todd, director of the cognitive neuroimaging laboratory at McLean Hospital in Belmont, Mass., tested the activity patterns in the prefrontal cortex of children between the ages of 11 and 18. When shown pictures of fearful faces, adolescent girls registered activity on the right side of the prefrontal cortex, similar to an adult. Adolescent boys used both sides—a less mature pattern of brain activity. Teenage girls can process information faster, too. In a study about to be published in the journal Intelligence, researchers at Vanderbilt University administered timed tests—picking similar objects and matching groups of numbers—to 8,000 boys and girls between the ages of 5 and 18. In kindergarten, boys and girls processed information at about the same speeds. In early adolescence, girls finished faster and got more right. By 18, boys and girls were processing with the same speed and accuracy.

Scientists caution that brain research doesn't tell the whole story: temperament, family background and environment play big roles, too. Some boys are every bit as organized and assertive as the highest-achieving girls. All kids can be scarred by violence, alcohol or drugs in the family. But if your brain hasn't reached maturity yet, says Yurgelun-Todd, "it's not going to be able to do its job optimally."

Across the nation, educators are reviving an old idea: separate the girls from the boys—and at Roncalli Middle School, in Pueblo, Colo., administrators say, it's helping kids of both genders. This past fall, with the blessing of parents, school guidance counselor Mike Horton assigned a random group of 50 sixth graders to single-sex classes in core subjects. These days, when sixth-grade science teacher Pat Farrell assigns an earth-science lab on measuring crystals, the girls collect their materials—a Bunsen burner, a beaker of phenyl salicylate and a spoon. Then they read the directions and follow the sequence from beginning to end. The first things boys do is ask, "Can we eat this?" They're less organized, Farrell notes, but sometimes, "they're willing to go beyond what the lab asks them to do." With this in mind, he hands out written instructions to both classes but now goes over them step by step for the boys. Although it's too soon to declare victory, there are some positive signs: the shyest boys are participating more. This fall, the all-girl class did best in math, English and science, followed by the all-boy class and then coed classes.

One of the most reliable predictors of whether a boy will succeed or fail in high school rests on a single question: does he have a man in his life to look up to? Too often, the answer is no. High rates of divorce and single motherhood have created a generation of fatherless boys. In every kind of neighborhood, rich or poor, an increasing number of boys—now a startling 40 percent—are being raised without their biological dads.

Psychologists say that grandfathers and uncles can help, but emphasize that an adolescent boy without a father figure is like an explorer without a map. And that is especially true for poor boys and boys who are struggling in school. Older males, says Gurian, model self-restraint and solid work habits for younger ones. And whether they're breathing down their necks about grades or admonishing them to show up for school on time, "an older man reminds a boy in a million different ways that school is crucial to their mission in life."

In the past, boys had many opportunities to learn from older men. They might have been paired with a tutor, apprenticed to a master or put to work in the family store. High schools offered boys a rich array of roles in which to exercise leadership skills—class officer, yearbook editor or a place on the debate team. These days, with the exception of sports, more girls than boys are involved in those activities.

In neighborhoods where fathers are most scarce, the high-school dropout rates are shocking: more than half of African-American boys who start high school don't finish. David Banks, principal of the Eagle Academy for Young Men, one of four all-boy public high schools in the New York City system, wants each of his 180 students not only to graduate from high school but to enroll in college. And he's leaving nothing to chance. Almost every Eagle Academy boy has a male mentor—a lawyer, a police officer or an entrepreneur from the school's South Bronx neighborhood. The impact of the mentoring program, says Banks, has been "beyond profound." Tenth grader Rafael Mendez is unequivocal: his mentor "is the best thing that ever happened to me." Before Rafael came to Eagle Academy, he dreamed about playing pro baseball, but his mentor, Bronx Assistant District Attorney Rafael Curbelo, has shown him another way to succeed: Mendez is thinking about attending college in order to study forensic science.

Colleges would welcome more applications from young men like Rafael Mendez. At many state universities the gender balance is already tilting 60-40 toward women. Primary and secondary schools are going to have to make some major changes, says Ange Peterson, president-elect of the American Association of Collegiate Registrars and Admissions Officers, to restore the gender balance. "There's a whole group of men we're losing in education completely," says Peterson.

For Nikolas Arnold, 15, a sophomore at a public high school in Santa Monica, Calif., college is a distant dream. Nikolas is smart: he's got an encyclopedic knowledge of weaponry and war. When he was in first grade, his principal told his mother he was too immature and needed ADHD drugs. His mother balked. "Too immature?" says Diane Arnold, a widow. "He was six and a half!" He's always been an advanced reader, but his grades are erratic. Last semester, when his English teacher assigned two girls' favorites—"Memoirs of a Geisha" and "The Secret Life of Bees" Nikolas got a D. But lately, he has a math teacher he likes and is getting excited about numbers. He's reserved in class sometimes. But now that he's more engaged, his grades are improving slightly and his mother, who's pushing college, is hopeful he will begin to hit his stride. Girls get A's and B's on their report cards, she tells him, but that doesn't mean boys can't do it, too.


Written & researched Peg Tyre with the help of Andrew Murr, Vanessa Juarez, Anne Underwood, Karen Springen and Pat Wingert © 2006 Newsweek, Inc.

The Extinction of MEN

Some serious thoughts being put to paper here. Do you think those oh-SO-perfect-women can exist without us suppossedly-imperfect-men?

I doubt it.

Who are they going to nag at to take out the trash / install the dvd player / pick up their heavy groceriy bags / fuss-over / make-over mentally in the hopes that their men will change (for good this time) ?

The eternal struggle between men and women is what makes life SO exciting and continually worthwhile to pursue.
------

Originally published on The Sunday Morning Herald Online, written by Maureen Dowd
January 22, 2006

Are men on the verge of extinction?

With recent research showing that the Y chromosome is shrinking, their future certainly looks bleak, says New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd. In this extract from her controversial new book, she looks towards a distinctly female-friendly future.

Men have a perfect right to be insecure. They're doomed, poor darlings. It won't be next Thursday or anything but men, says Bryan Sykes, a leading British researcher on sex chromosomes, "are now on notice".

Some are resigned to it. Tough guy Norman Mailer said that his "terror theory" was that "women are going to take over the world... You know, men, no matter how bad they were to women over the years, over the centuries, needed women for the race to continue. But all women needed were about a hundred semen slaves that they could milk every day, you see, and they could keep the race going.

So they don't need us. And there's a real possibility in my mind, about one in 10, that a hundred years from now there will be a hundred men left on earth and the women will have it all to themselves."

Are men necessary? I ask Dr Sykes. "Clearly not," he replies.

Are men necessary? I ask British geneticist Steve Jones. "You don't even need the sex slaves," Dr Jones assures me. "You just need their cells in a freezer. You'd have to have a very good electricity supply."

Some guys I know have been fretting for years that they may be rendered obsolete if women get biological and financial independence, learning how to reproduce and refinance without them. The latest research on the Y chromosome shows that my jittery male friends are not paranoid. They are in an evolutionary pratfall.

In a wry twist of fate, Mother Nature appears to have decided to demote men to the weaker sex. It's only a matter of time before we will be judging guys by their hourglass figures, pliability and talent for gazing raptly at their dates, no matter how bored.

The Y chromosome has been shedding genes willy-nilly for millions of years and is now a fraction of the size of its partner, the X chromosome. Size matters and experts are suggesting that in the next 100,000 to 10 million years, men could disappear, taking their men's magazines and cold pizza in the morning with them.

The Y chromosome is "a mere remnant of its once mighty structure", wrote Jones, a professor of genetics at University College in London and the author of Y: The Descent Of Men. "Men are wilting away. From sperm count to social status and from fertilisation to death, as civilisation advances, those who bear Y chromosomes are in relative decline."

Males have always been a genetic "parasite", he says, marvelling that if Simone de Beauvoir or anybody else were writing The Second Sex today, they'd have to make it, biologically speaking, about men. "There are elements of The Picture Of Dorian Gray," he says ominously. "The Y's picture is fading away."

It is degenerating at such a fast rate that men face an "inevitable eventual extinction" and steadily falling male fertility, with nearly all men completely sterile in about 125,000 years, warns Sykes, a science adviser to the British House of Commons, in Adam's Curse: A Future Without Men.

A healthy, fit man still pumps out 150 million sperm a day but the global potency of the Y may have peaked back with Genghis Khan. The news that Dolly the sheep had been cloned without a ram ramming and the South Korean cloning factory's success in making a dozen human embryos and duplicate puppies sent frissons through the Y populace, geneticists say, because men began to fear that science would cause nature to return to its original, feminine state and men would fade from view.

"Japanese scientists last year created a perfectly normal female mouse without using a male at all,"

Dr Sykes tells me. "It's not cloning. They took the egg from one mouse and then instead of mouse sperm, they took the DNA from another egg. Bingo!"

Perhaps that's why some men in Western societies are adapting, becoming more feminised and turning into over-therapied, over-sharing, over-emoting "emo boys" and metrosexuals who get facials and buy wrinkle cream and wear pink flowered shirts.

Better to be an X chromosome than an ex-chromosome.

The New York Times Styles section, with its exquisite gaydar, declared a "gay vague" vogue, noting it's harder and harder to tell who is gay. Straight men, it said, "are adopting looks - muscle shirts, fitted jeans, sandals and shoulder bags - that as recently as a year ago might have read as, well, gay... What's happening is that many men have migrated to a middle ground where the clues traditionally used to pigeonhole sexual & sex orientation - hair, clothing, voice, body language - are more and more ambiguous."

My friend Frank Bruni, The New York Times restaurant critic, provides me with the gay (as opposed to gay vague) point of view: "It used to be that if you saw an unwrinkled, well-moisturised guy prowling the Clinique counter or Clarins counter, you could safely assume three things - he was vain, he appreciated a hypo-allergenic cleansing lotion and he was on your team. Now you assume only the first two."

French sociologists unveiled a study earlier this year that found that American and European men are no longer so macho, although Chinese men still are. "The masculine ideal is being completely modified," says Pierre Francois Le Louet of the French marketing and style consultant group Nelly Rodi. "All the traditional male values of authority, infallibility, virility and strength are being completely overturned." Instead, he says, in fashion and life, men are turning more toward "creativity, sensitivity and multiplicity".

To save the Y chromosome, Dr Sykes suggests, scientists may need to transfer its contents onto another gene. He said that if the Y vaporises, reproduction would need to be assisted in some way. "What I think'll happen within my lifetime," he said, "is that some lesbian couples will have children and they will both be parents - an egg from one and a fertilised egg from the other will produce a perfectly normal girl. You could have a new species of human reproduced without men at all."

He fantasises about "a world without men", a version of the mythological "cult of Diana" hunter-gatherer societies where women were in charge and men were just there for entertainment, where there would be "no Y chromosomes to enslave the feminine, the destructive spiral of greed and ambition fuelled by sexual ambition diminishes and, as a direct result, the sickness of our planet eases. The world no longer reverberates to the sound of men's clashing antlers and the grim repercussions of private and public warfare."

But Dr Huntington Willard, the director of the Institute For Genome Sciences & Policy at Duke University, doubts that a planet without men - and with women leaders festooned with testosterone patches, hailed by some doctors as female Viagra - would be so peaceful. "Remember all those B movies that end up with Amazons developing all those aggressive traits?" he asks. "There's always a subgroup that becomes the aggressors."

Whether or not the predicted demise of the well-hung Y is correct, there's no point in idealising a world composed exclusively of women. Reading about the amoral cruelty of female guards and interrogators in Guantanamo, Abu Ghraib and Bagram, it's easy to believe it wouldn't be that different. And anybody who's attended an all-girls Catholic high school knows that Xs can act as territorially, brutally and thoughtlessly as Ys. "Historically, men have made most of the political errors," agrees Sykes. "But look at Mrs Thatcher.

She was pretty bloody awful."

He speculates that Adam will end up causing his own curse by accumulating wealth and property and toys and polluting the planet. "It would be very ironic," he says, "if the polluted planet exacted revenge by hitting back at sperm production and making all those men sterile."

The scientists predicting the demise of the Y get furious emails from men denouncing them as "man-haters". One website that pelts Jones, AngryHarry.com, rants that men will prevail over women, who are described as Marxists and Nazis.

Willard recommends to flustered men that they take the long view because "most species eventually mutate themselves out of existence. Sex determination as we know it is only a couple of hundred million years old so if the Y chromosome degrades itself out of existence, some other mechanism will turn up. Worms reproduce with females and hermaphrodites. They've gotten rid of the stand-alone male."

Jones, an expert on the sex life of slugs, agrees, calling hermaphrodite sex, like Woody Allen onanism, "sex with somebody you really love". "Plenty of creatures don't bother with sex at all," he says. "Sea anemones just cut themselves in half indefinitely and make copies again and again and again."

He says bananas - despite their suggestive shape - and potatoes are entirely female. And alligator eggs become male if they're warmed and female if they're cooled and turtles the other way around.

"There are many, many ways to make males," he says, citing the mole vole, which has males with no Y chromosome, and the North American blue-finned wrasse. "If you take the male wrasse out of the aquarium, after a few days, one of the females begins to look a bit shifty and more brightly coloured and she turns into a male and makes sperm and fertilises her female partners. Social pressure changes the hormonal balance, just as it can with humans. Men in extreme pressure in battle, females training for a marathon, the sex hormone patterns change."

(I wonder if it works the same way if you take the female out of the fish tank. When I took a leave from my column at the Times, I noticed that some male columnists were suddenly writing on women's issues.)

Men may save themselves simply through "the healing power of lust", says Jones. "People carry on having sex because it's fun - insofar as I remember. Even if women make men sex slaves, they'll find some conscience-­stricken women to bring them out of slavery, as happened with slavery. I'd be very, very surprised if technology takes over the old-fashioned methods we're so used to. People only turn to the test tube when the double bed has failed. I can't think of anybody who goes to the lab first."

As a confirmed pessimist, Jones concludes that men are more likely to be wiped out in a devastating SARS-like epidemic or in a nuclear war they start, clashing antlers, long before the Y gets around to degenerating.

And that conjures up the image of the Y as Slim Pickens in Dr Strangelove, straddling the hydrogen bomb as though it were a rodeo steer and waving his cowboy hat, yelling, "YEE-HAW!" as he sets off the destruction of mankind. Why, oh Y, am I not surprised that the Y is not going gently into that good evolutionary night?

And not only is the Y shrinking, the X is excelling. Research published in the journal Nature in 2005 revealed that women are genetically more complex than scientists ever imagined, while men remain
the simple creatures they appear.

"Alas," says Huntington Willard, a co-author of the study, "genetically speaking, if you've met one man, you've met them all. We are, I hate to say it, predictable. You can't say that about women. Men and women are farther apart than we ever knew.

It's not Mars or Venus. It's Mars or Venus, Pluto, Jupiter and who knows what other planets?"

Women are not only more different from men than we knew, women are more different from each other than we knew. "We poor men only have 45 chromosomes to do our work with because our 46th is a second X that is working at levels greater than we knew," says Willard, who adds that their discovery may help explain why the behaviour and traits of men and women are so different. They may be hardwired in the brain, in addition to being hormonal and cultural.

The researchers learned that a whopping 15 per cent - 200 to 300 - of the genes on the second X chromosome in women, thought to be submissive and inert, lolling about on an evolutionary Victorian fainting couch, are active, giving women a significant increase in gene expression over men.

As the Times's Nicholas Wade, who is writing a book about human evolution and genetics, explains, "Women are mosaics, one could even say chimeras, in the sense that they are made up of two different kinds of cell. Whereas men are pure and uncomplicated, being made of just a single kind of cell throughout."

So maybe that Seinfeld episode is right, where George Costanza tries to prove that man's passions can all be fulfilled at the same time if he can watch a handheld TV while "pleasuring" a woman while eating a pastrami on rye with spicy mustard.

This means men's generalisations about women are correct, too, to extend the metaphorical approach to a chromosomal reality. Women are inscrutable, changeable, crafty, idiosyncratic - a different species.

"Women's chromosomes have more complexity, which men view as unpredictability," says David Page, an expert on sex evolution at the Whitehead Institute for Biomedical Research in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Known as Mr Y, Page calls himself "the defender of the rotting Y chromosome". "I prefer to think of the Y as persevering and noble," he says.

He drolly conjures up a picture of the Y chromosome as "a slovenly beast", sitting in his favourite armchair, surrounded by a litter of old fast-food take-out boxes and curled pizza crusts. "The Y wants to maintain himself but doesn't know how. He's falling apart, like the guy who can't manage to get a doctor's appointment or clean up the house or apartment unless his wife or girlfriend does it."

Page says that the Y - a refuge throughout evolution for any gene that is good for males and/or bad for females - has become "a mirror, a metaphor, a blank slate on which you can write anything you want to think about males". It has inspired cartoon gene maps that show the belching gene, the inability-to-remember-birthdays-and-anniversaries gene, the fascination-with-spiders-and-reptiles gene, the selective-hearing-loss-"Huh?" gene, the inability-to-express-affection-on-the-phone gene.

"The Y married up," Page concludes. "The X married down."

The discovery about women's superior gene expression may answer the age-old question about why men have trouble expressing themselves: because their genes do.

The Wingman Chronicles

Definition (courtesy of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wingman)
The Wingman is a companion who accompanies his or her friend on social excursions to court the opposite sex. Although the term "wingman" can refer to either a male or female companion, sometimes the term "wingwoman" is used as well. Henceforth the term will refer to the male wingman.

The Wingman was originally a term referring to the plane flying beside and slightly behind the lead plane in an aircraft formation. However, the term has since evolved to mean a companion who supports the "pilot" by engaging his target, as well as defending him against possible intruders in a hostile social environment.

The purpose of the wingman is to boost his or her companion's confidence and social image. Wingmen must back up their pilots in their quest for love. The objective of the wingman can be summarized in one sentence: Taking one for the team.

Techniques vary across different wingmen and different regions. Some of the more common techniques include:

Initiation
The wingman may initialize an encounter with the target by approaching her first in order to break the ice and soften her up for the pilot. The wingman will also bravely face the risk of being shot down. A good wingman will successfully deflect any rejection and spare his pilot's self-esteem.

Backup
The wingman may approach and acknowledge the pilot, who is already engaged in conversation with his target. This serves to increase the pilot's self-esteem as well as his social image. The wingman is also there to back him up in case things start to go sour.

Isolation
The wingman may isolate the target by asking her friends to accompany him somewhere else, such as the dance floor, salad bar, restroom, etc. This move will leave the pilot alone to work his magic on the target. This technique is derived from predator-prey interactions in the African savannah.

Distraction
The wingman may engage women who are interested in pursuing his pilot, thus allowing the pilot free reign to pursue his own targets. In this way, he serves as a protective shield around his pilot.
----

The Scene
It was the 25th of Dec, 2005. Christmas Eve. My cousin just turned 28 today.

After spending the past 3 months reading up on the ideas advocated by David Deangelo, he feels that its time he puts it into practice. Being the guy that introduced Deangelo to him, he decided I would fit perfectly into the role of his Wingman while we go “Hunting”. Having nothing better to do on Christmas Eve, I relented and gave a little shudder of anticipation as we embarked on his first hunt.

The Place
The Curve-Ikano-Ikea area on Christmas Eve.

The Mindset on the Hunt
The important mindset to have while you are ON THE HUNT is that the hunt (for Women and their contact numbers) is NOT the be all and end all for your excursion. If you make it THE reason you are going out, you will be TOO focused on each encounter and outcome that you’ll come off as needy/insecure.

It's important to have an external agenda while going out and have the hunting aspect be JUST another activity you indulge in while carrying out the main agenda. For this hunt, my cousin was shopping for some Interior Design shite for his bachelor pad.

Also, choose the hunting ground to suit your character. If you're an outgoing, physical kind a person, maybe going out and having fun dancing away at clubs is your style ('cos u can show off your dance moves and agility as your plus points). If you're the more bookish, intellectual type, then maybe bookstores or the library is your thing. For most regular guys, mackin' at shopping malls/cinemas/grocery stores/coffee shops and bars are the regular hunting grounds.

Besides that, what type of prey you hunt for is key. If you're outgoing and would love an equally physically active mate, go to spots where there’s a higher concentration of fit women like the gym, or health clubs and activity centers like rock-climbing, etc. Vice versa if you're the bookish type = hunt for prey at book readings at bookstores, libraries, art galleries, theatres, etc.

With agenda, hunting ground and prey in mind, we proceeded to mill about the Ikea store looking for that perfect wall fixture for my cousin's home while at the same time being on the lookout for any prospects.

Tips on Hunting
Depending on your inner confidence level and social skills, it is imperative that you choose your prey accordingly. Be aware of what your capabilities are and don't go for women out of your league, My Son!

If you are just a street alley cat (in other words, just another regular guy); don't be hoping to hunt down an antelope or savannah deer (i.e. high class ladies with expensive taste). That's just asking for trouble, dude. I understand this goes against Deangelo's ideology, but everyone needs to start somewhere. Imagine this as a form of training wheels for beginner hunters.

Deangelo on the other hand imparts the knowledge that NO women is too much of a challenge for you, and the more stunning the woman, the more easier the game (because logically, more men “assume” the woman’s taken, so she NEVER gets approached in the first place). Of course, being stunning, she’s used to getting the regular moronic compliments / attention from men; so your approach has gotta be different from the other 100 guys that just ogled her in silence (without approaching her) as she walked past or opened with another cheesy line (as if she hadn't heard it for the last time that day!).

Be a MAN(!), Be different from the norm, embrace your inner manhood, and find the confidence to actually approach women instead of ogling them for fcuk's sake! Even if you do approach women, stop using cheesy lines and make normal conversation.

After all…the worse thing she could say is NO. And there are another 2.5 billion women on this earth for the taking. ;-p

The Hunt
So with that idea in mind, my cousin finally spots his prey.

A woman of the petite, well-built (i.e. physically fit-lah!) variety, clad in green, hovering around the gardening section.

The key now is to alert your prey of your intentions: MAKE EYE CONTACT !

Just slide along in her direction and be interested in an item, make eye contact and don't let go of it until she turns away first (a strong subconscious sign which shows ur in control and confident of ur capabilities…or that ur a stalker! ;-p), *smile*.

If she smiles back, that's acceptance of ur presence in her immediate surrounding (i.e. she doesn’t think ur a weirdo), walk up to her and make small talk. Ask open-ended questions (like her opinion on something, NOT a question that can be answered with Yes/No and stifle the conversation to an abrupt stop). Connect the topic of your small talk to your surrounding environment.

If ur in a shopping outlet, ask her whether she knows where to find an item? Or how to an item works? Etc. (My favourite ice breaker is acting as though she's one of the staff, and bossing her about like a rude customer…in a cheeky way of course!) There's SO many ways to play it that it doesn’t bear typing it down. You just have to be there and experience it yourself.

Make it short. After 3 minutes, walk away (it's only normal, say u gotta get back to ur friends, i.e. wingman), before u leave, turn around and ask her for her e-mail. (Yes, it's THAT easy). While she's telling/writing it down for you, ask her to write down her contact number too.

3 minutes. Done. Mission accomplished.

Let's reframe that and see it from the woman's point of view.

Women KNOW when she's being approached, guys. It's NO BIG SECRET. If you're just minding your own business, doing ur shopping, and suddenly that cute guy you just made eye contact and smiled at approaches you and makes small talk…it's obvious to her that ur wanting something. But it's not that obvious to men. They think they have to charm the pants off a woman or open with a cheesy line. SO don't beat around the bush, be confident, and ask her for her number. The simplest way is the strongest approach. Who'd have figure that out huh? :-p

Now go out there and approach the next 100 women who catches your fancy!

After the first twenty women, you should have enough confidence in you and it would become like second nature. Granted, the first five would be the hardest thing ever in your adult male life…but learn well from your mistakes My Son, and pretty soon approaching women wouldn't be a problem for you anymore.

The conclusion
So how did my cousin's hunt go?

Well…I was a pretty bad Wingman that night 'cos I forgot to prep him properly. His opening line was “Exuse me…are you single?” (Believe me, the simplest straightforward approach is the strongest and easiest to pull off). However, that opening line wasn't an open ended question, so when she said “No.”, my cousin lost his cojones' and walked away in shame. Plus he didn't make eye contact before approaching her, so he kinda blind-sided the woman.

To make a long story short, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. We bumped into Sue (the petite green-clad fit woman who we got better acquainted with and turned out to be a fitness trainer) another few times that night at the Curve and eventually my cousin managed to gather up the courage to ask her out for a coffee. Being a wingman, this is the time to leave them together to get to know each other better and fcuk off for a good one hour. Come back later, and help your pilot “finish/close the deal” by ensuring he gets her contacts.

A week later, Sue joined us on a road trip down to Singapore for New Years where my cousin had the wildest fun he's had in his 28 yrs on this god-given earth.

Imagine for the past 27 years, my cousin had no concept of how to approach women and creating attraction instead of affection in a woman. Come his 28th birthday, he gathers enough courage to actually go out there and start meeting women; and within 7 days (using the ideas from Deangelo) managed to entice her to join us on our road-trip. Kudos to Mad, and here's to more successes in our future hunts, My Son!

So there's hope after all for all you regular man out there. Get your shit together, build up your inner confidence (it'll show through in your body language, voice inflection, and level of eye contact) and start hunting!

Friday, January 20, 2006

Happiness is a STATE of mind!

As I was doubled over, hunching my back, tip-tapping away in front of my PC in my itty-bitty cubicle; close to midnight yesterday, all alone in the office while the rest of the world sleeps....I had an ephiphany:

Happiness is a STATE of mind.

If you train your mind to be sharp enough, you can endure ANY type of adversity, take as much pain as possible, face the greatest challenges, heck even defy normal human conventions...

Because no matter what happens to you.....your state of mind is unaffected by it and you've managed to trick yourself into being happy.

Ground-breaking, Nobel-winning solution to all of life's mysteries?

Or the mad-rantings of an overworked employee who's had TOO little sleep in the past 2 weeks?

I don't know. U decide.

P/S- I'd like to believe that I'm at a point in my life right now where I'm in the same predicament as Neo (perasan siut!) in the Matrix; where he had just succesfully kicked Morpheus' arse during their Virtual Reality kung-fu sessions, and the first thing Morpheus said to Trinity when he unplugged from the Matrix was:

"...He's starting to believe..."


Why? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something? For more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know?
- Agent Smith to Neo, The Matrix Revolutions.

Because I CHOOSE to.
- Neo to Agent Smith, The Matrix Revolutions.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Busy, busy, busy!

I'm tired of life.

Working life I mean.

Everyday I wake up from sleep, I feel MORE tired than when I went to bed the night before.

Work piles up no matter if I'm there or not.

I feel as if I'm stuck in this huge cycle of having to work to pay my bills and continue enjoying life. Once I stop...*poof* goes the money supply!

When did this disillusion with life start??!

Neways, I'm TOO fcukin busy to even have time to do stuff that I enjoy anymore. Been working up til 4a.m. regularly in the past week that I lost sense of time, and space, and people....

And all the money in the world (attained from doing shedloads of O.T.) CANNOT substitute for all that time, relationships, opportunities, enjoyment, etc. foregone.

What's the use of this existence then??!

:-(

Friday, January 13, 2006

The Secret to Picking up Women

Originally published on Msn.match.com, written by Laura Gilbert

Ever wonder why some guys seem to have the magic touch when it comes to chatting up women? That’s what writer Neil Strauss was curious about, and so he spent two years studying the art of picking up women, learning the ropes from MPUA’s (master pick-up artists). He’s now earned that title for himself and reveals his secrets in the new best-seller, The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick-Up Artists. We chatted with Neil about what a regular guy can learn from the masters.

Q: Let’s start at the beginning: What are the key characteristics of an AFC—an average, frustrated chump?
A: I was an AFC. I was literally the guy painting a girl’s house for her while she was out on a date with another guy. An AFC is a guy who doesn’t understand attraction, so he always winds up in the friend zone without knowing why, because he’s too nice.

Q: What are the basic ideas behind being a successful pick-up artist?
A. Be interesting and interested; be confident and competent. Of course, it’s easier said than done. But, and this is true for men and women, the harder you chase someone, the lower your value becomes. You’re better off making yourself a challenge, so that when she gets you, she values you and wants to keep you.

Q: Why do guys focus so much on meeting women rather than, say, how to act once you’re on a date?
A: The approach is the scariest part for guys. People’s biggest fear isn’t heights or death; it’s social humiliation. These guys are also just as obsessed about learning how to be good in bed, because that will keep a woman coming back. But all of the things I learned about courtship or seduction were completely useless when it came to having a relationship. It’s just a different skill set. I’d still love to learn!

Q:What should a guy say if he wants to meet a woman?
It’s not what you say. If there were a magic line that could make a woman attracted to you, every guy in the world would be using it. There are so many more things you communicate with body language—like if you have less energy than the group you’re entering, it doesn’t matter what you say, you’re going to be a drag. Some guys use a line like, “Hey, I need a quick opinion on something,” and ask about a made-up situation your friend is having with his girlfriend.

Or try a topic that gets your friends talking. One night we were trying to think of all the oceans, and we couldn’t remember the last one. So instead of looking it up, we decided to go ask someone at a bar. If you’re at a bar asking someone about geography, the last thing someone’s going to think is that you’re hitting on them. Next time you’re in a group of friends making them laugh, think about what you’re saying, write that down and use it later! Your goal is to be the friendly guy at a bar, which buys you time to show the woman your personality.

Q: What if a guy’s still getting “go-away” signals?
A: One thing we learn is the all-purpose exit line: “It was a pleasure meeting you.” Some guys get angry if they get rejected, but if you act on it, you ruin the interaction for yourself. If you leave politely, she may still see you later that night talking to another group and want to come back and find out just what you were asking her about. If you do it right, you won’t get rejected at all.

Q: Would these same techniques work, regardless of a guy’s looks?
A: Oh yeah. It’s not about looks or age, for that matter—women are attracted to status. If you walk into a club and everyone is looking at you and talking to you, people will want to meet you no matter what you look like. What’s definitely important is to be well-groomed. Looks don’t matter, but you’ve got to have clothes that fit—at the bare minimum!

Q: How successful can a guy expect to be when he’s starting conversations with strangers?
A: If you practice it enough, you can succeed 95% of the time. The key is that you’re not hitting on them or making them uncomfortable, you’re just asking a general question. Someone would have to be really rude to tell you to go away. It doesn’t mean you’ll have a relationship, and you may find out the woman is married, but at least you had the conversation.

Q: What about when a woman has already looked over and made eye contact or smiled?
A: That’s great—once she smiles, you have three seconds to go in and start a conversation. If you wait too long, you’re going to overthink it and ruin it. If you’re really obvious about it, you creep people out. But guys don’t usually pick up on sub-communication like eye contact. Women think they’re being totally obvious, but guys are clueless. I always wanted to have 100% certainty before I’d go talk to a woman, and you just don’t get that. Once you learn how to read social cues, you can throw away the rules and trust your instincts.

Q: What’s the best thing you learned?
A: I used to be really insecure about my looks—I even considered plastic surgery. In college I had a duffel bag full of books about how to flirt, and they didn’t work. But I can finally be happy with myself, because I was able to be successful, which just proved that it was all personality. You always hear “Oh, just be yourself,” but you have to be your best self, and some people haven’t found themselves or need to improve themselves. Men are never really encouraged down the path of how to accent their best qualities.

Q: And what do you know about women now that you never would have guessed before?
A: That they don’t have to be tricked or manipulated—they might want exactly what you want. If you’re straight up and don’t pretend to be their friend when you want a relationship or pretend to want one when you don’t, they’ll pick up on it.

Q: So what should a guy who wants to learn do?
A: Hang out with someone more successful with women than you, watch them, and you’re on your way.

Freelance writer Laura Gilbert lives in New York City and has written for Maxim, Cosmopolitan, and Health.

Friday, January 06, 2006

F-R-E-E-Z-E !!!

Despite ALL the knowledge, despite ALL the theory, despite EVERYTHING I've learnt in these past 9 months....

God...I CAN'T believe I'm saying this...

i STILL freeze up when it comes to speaking to that special someone...

Or meeting up with HER unexpectedly in a public place...

WTF??!!!

Why? Why? Why?

C'mon man...u know all these shite, talk big (talk cock-lah) like ur a MAN...

Yet when push comes to shove...when it comes to bringin ur A GAME to the court...

I FREEZE like a dumbass and can only manage a weak insecure smile before scampering off like a wuss...

Heheheh...kinda ironic isn't it?

So NEW 2006's resolution (believe me its only been 6 days of 2006 and I've already broken SO many resolutions) :

LEARN to chill-the-fcuk-out when being in the company of HER (I'm o.k. most times when it comes to teasing women I have no care for / am not looking to have anything happen, And this ISN"T one of my regular big-talk cock ah!)
but when it comes to HER...

When it comes to HER.... I'm a 14-yr old LUST-fuelled INFATUATED kid again.

;-p

I guess it's true what they say then:

LUST and INFATUATION turns even the strongest-willed intellectual man (heheheh yes, I am THAT humble,
thank you very much!) into a pool of silly putty.



Here's to more *adventures* in 2006 as I gradually try to overcome my deep-rooted insecurities when it comes to HER.

;-)

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Five Biggest Mistakes Men Make With Women

Originally published on Seduction Insider, written by Jackson Morris.

God knows I can't list all the mistakes that men have made and are capable of making with the opposite sex. I will start with what I think can be the most obvious mistakes that we boys make, not always know where we went wrong. The sad part about women is they expect us to know things without them telling us and then they punish us when we don't know what we did.

I will break this down to what I think are the top five (5) mistakes in various categories that are our doom. These will sound simple and for some of you changes in your personal behavior might be necessary. FYI - Girls already know these rules.


Mistake #1 - It Speaks
More women complain that men never come up to them and make a move. There are millions of gorgeous women online right at this moment because they have not met anyone. When I date, women always say, "I am glad you asked me out, guys never approach me."

Fundamentally gentlemen, there is no piece of ass out there that is going to fall into your hands without you asking for it. Another complaint from women is, "Only the old guys hit on me." Well good for the old guys! The older cougars out there know about the first part of this segment and also have accrued enough confidence through life that they have no fear of failure. So walk up, speak up and say, "HELLO".

You never know when you're flirting with a girl how bad she wants you to speak to her, she is not supposed to tell you, and you are supposed to know. The word "hello" is actually understood in over 40 languages, if you cant say it in your native tongue of English, then you won't be getting any tongue.


Mistake #2 - Do What You Say
Women are like camels when it comes to sex, they can go without for quite a while. They give the guy every opportunity to screw up first before they take a drink of water. One of the most obvious and most accountable places is "word of mouth". Even the gabbiest broad will remember everything coming out of your pie hole. If you tell a girl you're "never late", then you better never be late, they have a memory like an elephant and will remind you what you said verbatim. If you say have certain goals, those are only impressive if she sees you follow through with them. Don't make empty promises. Don't make promises you can't keep. Don't make statements you can not live up to. Don't make unnecessary commitments. Don't make promises in bed after sex! Underpromise & Overdeliver!


Mistake #3 - Honesty is the Best Policy
Never ever lie! A million men, including my editor are probably shrugging their shoulders and rolling their eyes, and I will still stick to my guns. Women want to know the hard truth, and it is not your job to "guess" what you think their reaction will be to your "baggage". If you have a kid, don't hide it, if you got arrested in the 70's for selling weed, then tell her that too. Having a bit of mystery to you is different then you telling her you work at Boeing when you actually work at Wal-Mart. She might dig Wal-Mart, but if you lie, she will not tell you squat. Don't downplay anything or make it less significant than it is. If you have a blemish, don't tell her it is a pimple when you know it is Herpes Virus Simplex-1.


Mistake #4 - Secure vs. Insecure
Women know the difference when you're a braggart and when you're proud. Proud is a behavior that is confident and strong based on history and experience and earning your wings. This is emulated in patience, generosity and sense of humor. The braggart always has something to prove and gives his "resume" constantly almost competing with the girl for attention. There it is, if you are a confident man, you will be giving attention, if you are an insecure man you will be competing for it. You do not have to have multiple accomplishments in any field, if you are a "real guy" with real confidence and little insecurity, she will know.


Mistake #5 - The Deal Breaker
You better be a good kisser by now, if not you might as well have a billboard over your house that says, "Lousy Lover Lives Here!" Learning how to kiss is simple, once you get good she will take you to bed, I promise. If you don't want to buy a book on kissing, then remember this, K.I.S.S. - Keep it simple stupid. The best lesson I ever got on kissing was, "do everything the girl does". If she barley opens her mouth, then you barely open your mouth. If she only gives you the tongues tip, then you do the same. If you don't know, then literally mock what she is doing. This will also turn her on because it will tease the hell out of her. If you don't learn to kiss, then you're fucked, oh wait a minute... no you're not.


Conclusion
Now you know what the land mines are that she has placed for us. We know now that if we want her we have to talk to her. When we talk to her we have to be honest, confident and follow through with what we say. If and when we get to kiss her, take nothing for granted and start by kissing her the way "she" kisses. Lastly, don't forget how great you are, she would not be giving you the chance if you weren't.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

What Most Single Men Want

Here's a cool one to usher in the New Year. Happy New Year 2006 peeps!
------
Originally published on SeductionInsider.com, written By Melissa Balmer.

Recently I asked single men the following questions to find out just where their heads, hearts, and libidos are at this this time of the year:

1. What are you looking for in a relationship with women right now? If you’re looking for the right “one” what qualities are you looking for?

2. What’s working, and what are you finding frustrating?

3. Where are you having the most success finding desirable single women? In clubs, through friends, on a dating site, or even perhaps a "friends" site?

4. What are you looking for sexually? What's been disappointing in the past that you want to improve in the future? Or, have you had a great sex life in the past that you now miss?


I’ve chosen the responses of four bachelors from across the age spectrum whose responses are candid, funny, and in some cases, quite introspective. I think you’ll find them as interesting and entertaining to read and I did!

Gene, 46, South Jersey
1. What are you looking for in a relationship with women right now? If you’re looking for the right “one” what qualities are you looking for?
Response A: Someone who believes in open honesty... being able to discuss what others only think... no taboos. Freedom of expression. Knows no boundaries.

Response B: Fun. Humorous with anything.

2. What's working, and what are you finding frustrating?
Response A: Working: Women flirt with me; I don't get heavy or scary in response... just light flirting.

Response B: Frustrating: yet, after really knowing me, they say "no" to a suggestion of simply going for coffee.

3. Where are you having the most success finding desirable single women? In clubs, through friends, on a dating site, or even perhaps a "friends" site like this one?
Response: More success in simple conversation. No dates yet. (FYI: I've been single since May '04; wife passed away. I hardly even mention it, and when I do, I am fine with moving on at this point, and convey confidence in conversations. I'd hate to think that women think I may not be "ready!" PULEESE!).

4. What are you looking for sexually? What's been disappointing in the past that you want to improve in the future? Or, have you had a great sex life in the past that you now miss?
Response: Great in the past and miss it. I'm sensitive and caring, yet intense at times during sex. Very much into chemistry and the fire that builds. I'm more of a performer, for her, sure, but because I enjoy that.


Sean, 22, Seattle
1. What are you looking for in a relationship with women right now? If you’re looking for the right “one” what qualities are you looking for?
Response: Not really looking for any relationships at the moment, just started a new job and don't feel like putting any effort into meeting someone, waaayyyy too much work.

2. What’s working, and what are you finding frustrating?
Response: Sex works, no sex is frustrating.... I’m usually pretty frustrated. Women who complain all the time drive me insane; if they want to be there, DON'T complain!

3. Where are you having the most success finding desirable single women? In clubs, through friends, on a dating site, or even perhaps a "friends" site?
Response: I haven't had much success anywhere; the bars in Seattle are all meat markets with no women. work is the only other place I really have and I work with women in their early 40’s for the most part, which as it happens isn't a deterrent for me, but as they are all married with kids, it leaves very few options.

4. What are looking for sexually? What's been disappointing in the past that you want to improve in the future? Or, have you had a great sex life in the past that you now miss?
Response: Virgins are the single biggest disappointment I have ever experienced. I can't teach and they are god awful in bed. Never had great sex, had some okay sex before, but so far it's been a pretty big disappointment to me.


Kaden, 25, Los Angeles (www.kadenphoto.com)
1. What are you looking for in a relationship with women right now? If you’re looking for the right “one” what qualities are you looking for?
Response: It’s hard to nail down what exactly I’m looking for in a woman because you never really know. It’s a feeling and a chemistry that makes it work. I can definitely say the thing that I don't want in a relationship though. I think the single most turnoff for me is jealousy in women. I need a secure girl that is sure of herself, to the point that jealousy is not an issue. In my profession I’m surrounded by beautiful girls all the time, and I’m always flirty and friendly. It takes an extraordinary type of woman who can be my girlfriend and have the utmost trust in me. Most girls aren't capable of that, and therefore most girls are out of my selection pool. I don't get jealous of girls, and I expect the same from my significant other.

2. What’s working, and what are you finding frustrating?
Response: It’s all working really, but what’s frustrating is trying to explain to a jealous girl the reasons I am so against it. A secure woman, on the other hand, knows that whatever happens, in the end, my partner is coming home with me. It’s a trust and security issue. I like to believe that if a guy wants my girl, go for it. If he can score, he can keep her. A girl who can be taken away from me that easily is hardly worth keeping anyways.

3. Where are you having the most success finding desirable single women? In clubs, through friends, on a dating site, or even perhaps a "friends" site?
Response: Well a lot of girls I have met are from mutual friends, but that always raises somewhat of an issue for me. Relationships eventually end, and it’s hard on the mutual friend to play sides. So I usually am extra careful about getting "hooked up" with any friends. Of course there are always clubs, but that’s like shooting fish in a barrel. There are the girls that go to clubs and get pissed when guys pick up on them, and there are girls that go just to pick up on guys... It’s really a mixed batch so clubs are the wild card. I meet a lot of girls at clubs, but they are rarely serious and very rarely materialize into anything worth mentioning.

Believe it or not, I like meeting girls randomly at grocery stores, or out and about while they’re doing things and least expect it. It seems more real when this happens. When girls are in groups of girls, their actions and demeanor are greatly influenced by their friends. It’s just a lot more genuine when you meet a girl by herself outside of the dating environment. The Internet has been a great market for meeting new friends, but it really becomes "net" friend. I can count the number of people I have met from online on one hand, yet I have TONS of net friends. It’s more of a fun type of thing than serious. Every guy sends the same cut and paste message to every girls they think is remotely un-ugly, so therefore every girl gets a big head and considers herself an E-pimp. Goes both ways. So no I don't think the Net really counts.

4. What are you looking for sexually? What's been disappointing in the past that you want to improve in the future? Or, have you had a great sex life in the past that you now miss?
Response: Sex is a lot like pizza; even bad sex is pretty darn good! Guys have that part easy. Same can't be said for the women though. I don't believe some of the stories I have heard. But sex is great, it always is. I like what most guys like...I like a girl who is innocent beyond belief but a freaking Tomcat in bed. Something weird about seeing a girl pull a 180, that’s a turn on. I've been fortunate to have mostly good sex, I mean for a guy, its kind of cool to have both ends of the spectrum. A girl who’s inexperienced and kinda new to sex is just as good as a girl who knows exactly what she’s doing and can suck a watermelon through a straw. I like both. It’s cute to see an inexperienced girl because almost everything is a surprise to her. Win win for guys in this department!


Sean, 36, San Francisco
1. What are you looking for in a relationship with women right now? If you’re looking for the right “one” what qualities are you looking for?
Response: I'm 36 so I'm always looking for the "one" but don't expect to find her. Ideally, I look for a person with a similar temperament (relatively even keeled), sense of humor, a contained level of self-ambition (it doesn't have to be a competition between us all the time, but I like go getters), not necessarily a similar level of education (I have a PhD in science) but a similar level of cultural and social knowledge (books, films, history, politics, etc., someone who isn't uncomfortable in groups of people that they don't know, and someone that I can feel confident will stand by me (and up to me - this is so important! Men - and women - need someone to call them on their bullshit once in a while) when I need them to.

Someone who can grow with me and try new things and figure out what I'm about, and doesn't mind getting figured out. I guess I want a lot. Unfortunately, I always date very attractive women who also have underlying sense of inadequacy. It's not a good pattern. Oh, I just broke up with a woman that I dated for two years, and lived with for over a year. We're great friends still, but what we eventually found was that we were almost the same person. We didn't have the complementary strengths that would have carried us through. It was a very odd realization. So, if you can find someone that in some un-definable way picks up for your weaknesses and you can do the same for them, I think you'd be on the right track. How do you go about finding that person? Good question.

2. What’s working, and what are you finding frustrating?

3. Where are you having the most success finding desirable single women? In clubs, through friends, on a dating site, or even perhaps a "friends" site?

Response to 2 and 3: I gave up on the bar scene a long time ago and although I still love to go out for a drink with friends, I usually just use the time to pay attention to the people I'm with. I've tried on line dating with mixed results. I've tried throwing myself into different groups of people just to see who I'd meet. All with mixed results. I'm not frustrated by any of it really. It's just life and experiences.

I'm a pretty happy single person and usually find that I had neglected certain things in myself when I was in relationships. I don't surf as much, or I don't see the kinds of live music that I like as much as I used to. I can't tell if that's a symptom of not being with the right woman, or if just the compromise that we make to be in a relationship. I hated to even try online dating at first, but it makes sense for busy professionals. You just don't have the same social networks that you had in college, and many of the people that you come in contact with regularly are colleagues that you shouldn't consider to be romantic interests. Plus you can get a feel for what a person is looking for pretty quickly and move on. I have women friends that have bad experiences with online dating, and I can see how that would be. I haven't really met anyone that caused me any trouble, so I can't complain.

4. What are you looking for sexually? What's been disappointing in the past that you want to improve in the future? Or, have you had a great sex life in the past that you now miss?
Response: OK, this is a tough one. Maybe because I'm not 20 anymore, my views have changed on what I value sexually. For example, I have no interest in one-night stands at this point. Some people really like the excitement of it, but I generally find it to be a pretty unfulfilling act. I always find it much more enjoyable with someone that you know and understand well. If you actually care about the woman's fulfillment, it will feed back to you and improve the overall quality of the sex and that will feed back into the overall quality of the relationship.

The problem is that most people are terrible at verbally expressing what it is that they're looking for sexually because it's been a taboo subject or they're just not comfortable expressing themselves that way. It can take a really long time with someone to be able to comfortably discuss sex. I've also had several fairly long relationships (over 2 years) so I've come to accept that with the same person after a while you know all the right buttons to push and it's not always transcendent. Sometimes with a long-term partner, it's just an act of physical intimacy and that can be enough or sometimes not enough. To make it worse, because so many adults aren't comfortable talking about sex with their partners, it's hard to get past some of those ruts. But, I guess I'd say that my sex life has been pretty good. I'm well past the point when I can carry on a relationship for very long where sex is the primary attraction, though. I'm always much more interested in a woman that can connect with me on a personal level. The relationship is always healthier and the sex is always much better.