Top 10 Business Buzzwords

Originally published on MSN Encarta, written by Megan Aemmer

Whether you office from home or home from office, you've probably heard some of these best-of-breed words and phrases unleashed at you and wondered what exactly your boss or coworker was talking about. Whether humorous or just plain annoying, you'll probably hear some of these dynamic phrases from time to time. This list will help you translate, and maybe even repurpose a few words to grow your own business buzz vocabulary.

Drive: No, it doesn't refer to your daily commute. Drive is a multipurpose buzz word, overused in such phrases as "drive out cost," "drive the project," and "drive the organization." Last I checked, costs, projects, and organizations don't typically have wheels and a chassis.

Incent: A nonword that is often used in business as a verb. Instead of creating incentives, management types may try to incent their team to sell more by offering--you guessed it--incentives. Some other commonly verbed words: office (She likes to office from home), text (Hey, text me the address), google (I googled him before the first date).

Delayering: A newer, more PC term for rightsizing, a.k.a. downsizing. Potato, potahto. It's still a layoff.

Narcissurfing: If your coworker is late to a meeting again, it's probably because he's been narcissurfing all morning. That is, googling yourself to see where, when, and how often you show up on the Internet.

Deep dive: If someone asks you to deep dive (or drill down), they're asking for in-depth information or discussion on a subject. "I did a deep dive on the Chinese market, and I don't think we'll be able to move product there. But I'll drill down on Brazil and see what sell-through potential there may be."

Bleeding edge: The "cutting edge" is so passé. Even better is the bleeding edge. "The program Johnson's working on is bleeding edge. The concept is so new even he's not sure what the product will do yet."

Offline: To take something offline is to discuss something in person or on the phone, rather than via e-mail or instant message conversation. This phrase usually crops up when an e-mail trail gets excessively long and/or involves more people than necessary to solve the issue at hand. Also used in meetings: "We'll deal with that offline, when this meeting's over."

Ping: To get someone's attention, ping them via e-mail or IM. "Hey, ping me when you hear back from her about the London conference." Back in the pre-Internet era, "ping" referred to the sound of a submarine's sonar.

Al desko: To save time, I often dine al desko, usually after five minutes of microwaiting. (In other words, I eat at my desk after heating up lunch in the microwave.)

Defrag: It used to mean rearranging data files on a hard disk, but defrag can also mean "to relax." After a rough day of officing, you may want to defrag in front of the TV.

This list was architected to enable effective information deliverance while officing.

Freaky Friday

As I was walking to my parked car during lunchtime today, I had one of my regularly thought-provoking, sometimes nonsensical, sometimes true-genius, epiphanies.

There I was crossing a packed Kuala Lumpur back-alley, walking past a throng of 200+ women out shopping on their lunch breaks, when the epiphany hit me like a bolt of lightning.

Revealing to me new vistas to explore, emboldening my demeanour, and giving me a confidence boost like none before.

See, today I came upon the realization (after moving offices to KL for the past three weeks, and existing as a true-blue KLite), that:

(1) There's MORE women in KL than men!

(2) There's even LESS Quality Eligible Men around KL from that already minutely small group of men!

And that, ladies & gents, was the heartfelt realization that dawned upon me as I walked past group upon group of women of every shape, age, and size, with nary a man about. (o.k. so it was time for Friday prayers, hence explains the lack of menfolk in that back-alley I was walking thru).

My second realization however made the first point even more shocking.

You see, it's bad enough that women in KL already outnumber men by a ratio of 3 women to 1 man; what's even more depressing to most women (I feel your pain honey, tell you what: drop me a line and I'll try to find some free time in my oh-ever-SO packed schedule to give you some TLC) is that even among that dwindlingly minute group of men; there's even LESS Quality Men that are eligible!!!

That hot, balmy, afternoon day in back-alley KL; I realized my calling in life.

I am destined to be an eligible Man of Quality.

And it is my life's purpose to sherperd the other LOST (eligible) men of KL towards becoming Men of Quality themselves.

So listen to me my brothers, let go of your limiting beliefs, stop wasting your life chasing after ONE woman that won't even give you the time of day (when there's another ten out there just waiting to find the ONE that will sweep them off their feet and show them the time of their lives), and start living the life that you were destined to live.

This is the Millenium-lah brader....open your eyes to the possibillities that lay upon you!


Until my next post,
NiK!



When not busy leading the flying investment banker life, NiK! divides his time between geeky endeavours such as reading graphic novels (comic books for adults), downloading porn/pirated music, and reviewing movies; with the life altering task of building Men of Quality out of the sea of LOST men in eligible KL.