Incommunicado

Terima kasih, daun keladi for coming back,
loyal reader.

I'm gonnae be away for the next 5 days,
on a road trip up to the East Coast.

A day in Kelantan, 2 days in the fabled Long Beach
of Pulau Perhentian Kecil,
1 day in Kuala Terengganu.

Sights, sounds, tastes.
Culture, panorama, adventure.

I'll get back to u guys with pics from my latest East Coast adventure, laters!

How to Get Your Guy to Dance

"I won't dance, don't ask me
I won't dance, don't ask me
I won't dance, Madame, with you.....
My heart won't let my feet do things that they should do"

~ I Won't Dance as sung by Frank Sinatra~

Let me be the first guy to admit it:

MOST MEN + ATTEMPT AT DANCING = DISASTER

I won't make a sweeping comment (my A-Levels English tutor would periodically scold us on making "sweeping statements", day in, day out for the rest of our A-Levels education); but MOST guys have proven at least once or twice in their lives (must've been in an attempt to impress a woman, or been totally wasted when he did it) that they have two left feet and NO sense of rhytm. Luckily over the years I've gotten to know a few guys in KL who KNOW how to move and delight the lay-dees on the dance floor (Timoer & Ariff Riza...ur my Dance Idols!) ;-p

Speaking for myself... I dance WORSE than Will Smith's tubby client from that rom-com movie "Hitch (2005)". If you've ever seen the movie: Napoleon Dynamite (2004) ~ where the lead character dances like a dork at the end, or seen BBC's popular comedy The Office (2003) ~ in which Ricky Gervais' big boss character, David Brent does a manic dance mix of MC Hammer + Flashdance; you'd get an inkling of how terrible I move on the dance floor.

So if you're dreaming of seeing me Salsa dancing, or busting out a move as well as Usher...you'd be greatly dissapointed-lah. Dancing's just not my thing, u know. However, get me "sky high" enough and amuse yourself over the manic antics of my attempts at bopping to the beat. (Sad to say some of me mates have actual photographic evidence of me jumping like a trance'd up maniac in between 5 women to the beat of Pussycat Dolls' *Beep*. Now THAT was a good night indeed, non guys?) ;-p

At the end of the day, it all boils down to showing confidence through body language, having enough balls to go through with it, and also a sense of rhytm and grace to follow the beat of the music. After all, how hard is it to actually dance, right guys?? ;-)
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Originally published on MSN.Match.com and written by Bob Strauss.

It’s a stark fact of the dating world that the number of guys who know how to dance is inversely proportional to the number of gals who want to be twirled across a parquet floor—and that even among the guys who know how to dance, the number who actually want to dance (rather than, say, sit at the bar and watch the Mets game) is, John Travolta excepted, a relatively teensy fraction.

Why should this be so? Speaking on behalf of my fellow men, I’d say dancing in public is the most exposed thing a guy can do, short of hauling a mattress out to the nearest four-way intersection and engaging in you-know-what. But there are some subtle ways you can ease your guy out of his favorite armchair and onto a crowded dance floor. To wit:

Cater to his musical tastes.
“My husband is picky about the music he’ll dance to,” says Py Kim Conant, author of Sex Secrets of an American Geisha. “It has to be 60’s, 70’s, or 80’s rock-and-roll. I can dance to anything, so instead of waiting for his kind of music, I go out on the dance floor and dance alone or with a group of people. When he sees how much I enjoy dancing without him, he’s sure to make his move when they do start playing the Rolling Stones or the Bee Gees.”

Buy him a video game.
Thanks to the wonders of technology, your guy can now learn to dance without having to leave his 200-square-foot basement apartment. For example, the game Dance Dance Revolution (for PlayStation 2, Xbox and computer) comes with a dance pad that connects to his PC or game console and an assortment of bouncy pop and techno tunes. The person playing the game has to follow the footsteps to dance proficiency. If your boyfriend is the type who’d rather stay home and play Grand Theft Auto than squire you to the local club, this can be a good way to kill two virtual birds with one stone.

Go back to school.
Probably for the same reason they refuse to stop and ask for directions, many men are reluctant to admit that they simply don’t know how to shake their booty. If you suspect this is the case, surprise your beau with an enrollment for two in a swing-dancing (or samba, or tango) class. Even if you were Miss Salsa 2002, pretending to pick up all the right moves at the same time that he does is a great way to soothe his prickly ego and coax him out to the local club.

Rent a movie.
Kathryn Alice, a relationship coach, raves about the Will Smith movie Hitch as a get-up-and-get-dancing tool. “In one scene, Hitch, a dating coach, demonstrates the basic dance a guy can do so as not to look stupid. It's a kind of side-to-side rocking, with hands on your hips and elbows bent. It's a perfect illustration of how to get away with dancing when you don’t really know how, and the movie also has a great message—that sometimes looking like a dork on the dance floor can be the best thing for your love life.”

Be careful what you wish for.
So your guy is schooled, groomed, and raring to go. Look out! He may be too eager to show off his not yet fully refined moves. “Once my boyfriend and I were at a New Year's dance, and there was this fantastic swing-dance couple out on the floor,” says Lisa from New York. “The crowd parted to watch their skill. My boyfriend decided to get a little crowd of his own going and did this odd dance, a cross between break dancing, tap dancing and an Irish jig. I could have sunk into the floor.”

New York-based writer Bob Strauss is the author of The Big Book of What, How and Why.

My *Perfect* Lover

I've been tagged by Fakhariah (Mrs. Azri, wife to a fellow friend of mine from my Magic:the Gathering-card-flopping-days as a teenage geek growing up in suburban KL) to expound further on the topic above. Here's the following rules of the game as explained by her:

>>-The tagged victim have to come up with 8 different points about his/her perfect lover.

>>-Have to mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.

>>-Tag eight other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.

>>-If you are tagged the second time. There is NO need to do this again.

>>-Lastly, most importantly, HAVE FUN DOING IT.

Before I go on, let me clear up one important point: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A *PERFECT* LOVER that exists in this world(!) Every lover (man/woman) comes with their own positives and negatives traits which makes the journey of figuring out who they really are much more exciting.

To truly love somebody is to accept them for who they are (all their failings and little, little, idiosyncrasies included), and see them for who they can be in the future (all their potential yet to be tapped, but possibly soon to be explored with your "ahem" support & guidance)

:Start Sidenote:
Isn't it ironically funny how men go into relationship expecting their women won't change their ways and stay the same just as when they first met them, while women go into relationships looking at all the potential their guy has and wants to change them (for his own good as they well-meaningly say it all the time). At the end of the day, both parties get dissapointed when their significant other does not meet each other's expectations. (Guy: I don't know you anymore! Gal: Why do we keep having the same fights, and its always about your habits that you don't want to change?!). Then again, I might have been reading a tad too much romance novels and watching too many soaps/rom-coms as per usual. I digress.
:End sidenote:

Sidenote aside, on we go with the list of criterias!

0) Gender:Woman
Of course-lah women wei...I'm a MAN..and I'm made (physically) to be with a woman. Now if your tastes, on the other hand tend to linger for the other home team (with the same type of "plumbing" as you), or the visiting team (bestiality/dolls/etc.) that's your life mate. Enjoy! ;-p

1) Independent
I value independence in a woman very, very, highly. The truth of the matter is this: I am an upcoming, soon-to-be high-flying (Islamic) investment banker. My work consumes the bulk of my hours in a 24-hour day. I can't always be there for you baby(!) I'm busy enough with my work (and trying to build up a rep for our future together), that at the end of most days, I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. There's just not much of me left to share with you at the end of the day. God comes first as my priority in life, followed by my family, then my work, next you (the love of my life), and last but not least, my health. (Most women would see this as me being selfish, but to each their own, I suppose).

Nor would I want to be there for you 24-7 either if I could/had the time to do so. I see a long-term relationship as the union of two well-adjusted individuals. And hence a well-adjusted individual would logically have their own hobbies & favourite pastimes, personal circle of friends, know what they like & dislike, agendas and plans. Just because we're together doesn't mean you have to forsake everything that makes you, you. And I wouldn't want a woman who asks me to forsake my individuality either. (yes, yes,...give and take is important in a relationship, but not to the point that we lose our own identity, baby)

Bukan aku tak sayang...tapi pasal I sayang you lah I ask this of you, honey! ;-p

In summary, I appreciate a woman who doesn't really need (like need, NEED) me (because she has a life of her own), yet realises that together, we can work on each other strengths and create magical experiences and memories. Weak, clingy, women need not apply.

2) Creative
Being born into a family where my mom is a language & history teacher, and most of my maternal clan are artistically inclined; I was brought up in an environment where expressing yourself creatively was indulged and appreciated.

Hence explains my deep appreciation for films of every genre, my long-term obsession with sci-fi/fantasy novels, comics, and cartoons (I know, I know...juvenile..yet so deeply satisfying to me), and a new love affair for music of every era and genre. This all stems from a culture of reading and writing ingrained in me since my youth.

Creativity in a woman is something I find truly exciting. It ensures things never get dull and boring for long before the next highlight comes along. Anniversaries, birthdays, and special moments takes on a new meaning when your significant other is creative. It doesn't need to be romantic all the time, it doesn't need to be expensive, heck usually it's even cheap or the most simplest thing in the world!

Yet when creativity is used, it shows that you REALLY care for me, and took extra time to plot & plan how to pull off the next surprise of my life. And that my love, is far more important to me than any expensive candlelight dinner, extravagant overseas holiday, or even any exorbitant gift you can buy for me.

Be creative in every gesture you make, and I'll be yours forever. ;-)

3) Adventurous
If my mum taught me an appreciation for the arts, my father on the other hand, hammered into me the importance of being adventurous. Being adventurous gets you out of your comfort zone, makes you experience new highs, and acquire new wisdom.

From traversing the subterranean underwater dive spots of Malaysia, to conquering the highest peak of South East Asia (Mt. Kinabalu), travelling to most of the European highlights and antiquities, to learning the skills of horseriding and its finer details of caring for another creature; i've done it all. (Thanks mostly to my father who pulled us children kicking and screaming through all those activities which we initially hated but gradually learnt to enjoy).

I may be a boring, white-collar investment banker who sits in his cubicle all day long, barely gets enough exercise anymore these days, and tied to the decorum of being an upstanding member of society; but beneath this facade lies a passionate wild man that would love nothing better than to spend his days exploring the world, going on travels and having adventures.

An adventurous woman who isn't afraid to get out of her comfort zone and experience new highs is definitely a huge turn-on. I want to experience new mind-numbing, jaw-dropping sensations with you; create new magical memories that can paint even a boring day together into something wonderful, and eventually delight us in all the shared things we've done together as we walk down memory lane.

Yet I can't do that if you refuse to even step out of the luxury hotel due to fear of nature, and the weird looking foreigners who looks funny at you, for fear of catching something bad or feeling even slightly uncomfortable. Your loss, honey! ;-p

4) Strong
By this definition, I don't mean physical strength, instead what I meant was mental & emotional strength.

I truly appreciate a woman who has mental & emotional strength, to guide her in times of trouble, stress, and pressure; and isn't afraid to speak up in times of doubt.

The more independent and strong a woman is in her day to day communication with people; the more of a softie she REALLY is inside. She just needs the right person to coax her to be manja with (although she'd never admit it to anyone, most importantly you!). I find this juxtaposition between being strong in front of everyone else, but manja to no one else but me verily a huge turn-on. After all, kalo takleh bermanja dengan abang, you nak bermanja dengan sapa lagi kan sayang? ;-)

5) Feminine
Despite highlighting my appreciation for strength, it doesn't mean I fall for every fire-breathing dragon lady / Eastern European steroid-addled athletic-looking strongwomen out there-lah! I enjoy a woman who knows how to accentuate her feminity in a subtle way. No blonde bombshell or sexy sirens for me, no sirree.

As a sidenote, it galls me how many KL women overmake-up their faces disproportionately to their body. I mean, takkanlah masa pakai foundation and make up tuh, you tak perasan yang your skintone now doesn't match your overly made up face, sayang oiii... It's SO funny to go clubbing and see these Frankenstein-like women who have inches of make-up on their faces try to pass themselves off as Snow "White".

Just be yourself woman...I'll like you for your funky sense of style, or the crazy way you wear your hair, NOT despite of it.

6) Confident/Passionate
Besides Independence, Confidence/Passion in a woman is a definite turn on.

I'm a male chauvinistic pig with a cynical view of women (what can I do, my educational and social background plus past experiences naturally leads me to distrust women). So a woman that can stand toe to toe with me, and call me up on my bullshit (which I spout randomly 24-7 neways) receives my longlasting respect and undying adoration.

A confident woman isn't afraid to speak her mind, try to have things her way, flirt and tease me until I come to breaking point, and challenge me all the way.

That my son, is a perilous way to live...but an exciting one, nonetheless.

7) Wise
Being born a fiery, passionate, Leo and my descendents hailing from the land of Kelantan (known far and wide for its fair share of "gedebe" people, hotheads who love to pick a fight--physical, verbal, or mental, with anyone just for the fun of picking a fight) I admit that I tend to follow my emotions a lot(!) and act before I think. Which comes to be a detriment most times more than its worth it.

So a wise lover (if ur into these astrological shite, that means those signs based on the element of Water) would be helpful in reining me in from time to time and reminding me of picking my fights wisely instead of just barreling in with a battle cry, only to suffer the consequences later as I lick my paws in agony and shame of defeat.

Wisdom does not mean a know-it-all goody two shoes with a CGPA of 4.0. If I wanted to learn about anything and everything in the world, I could always Google/Wikipedia it up or turn on the Discovery/National Geographic channel. After all, I'm not much of an intellectual meself. Brainy people intimidate me, heathen fool that I am.

8) HOT!!!
And last but not least, I admit that I am a regular male driven by lust and the two extra brains God gifted upon men, down below. I am far, far, shallower than Shallow Hal (my favourite rom-com of all time) and as tubby as Jack Black, the lead of Shallow Hal. Yet my ideal lover needs to be HOT!!! A smokin HOT, traffic-stopping, head-turning, accident-inducing se-xay-as-hell woman!!!

Dub it double standards, name it perasan-tak-ukur-baju-sendiri, call me a bastard who likes going after women way out of his league. Whatever-lah dude.

There's 3.5 billion women in the world. 2/3 of the population in KL are women. If you're not into me honey, there's a lot more women out there just waiting for a man to walk into their life and whisk them off to have the most exciting time of their life.

In conclusion, to all the HOT, independent, confident, adventurous, ladies out there just dying to be a member of the Nik Fan Club; don't worry babe, given time I'd eventually get to meet you in the end and we'll have fun like there's no tomorrow!

P/S--All attempts at sarcasm we're intentional and direct, in light of how frivolously fun this fantasy topic is. ;-)